CLICKING

——-> [THIS] <——-

for which (twitch) – MUCH THANKS.
Filed under: Ze Best Bits Tagged: animations, blogging, books, cartoons, culture, eCards, eLearning, film, homepages, Jokes, Language, Literature, Lyrics, motion graphics, music, Poetry, publishing, Puns, Reading, Songs, voiceovers, Wordplay, Words ]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/homily-to-homely-home-made-home-page/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/kit-cat-kid/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/kit-cat-kid/#comments Fri, 14 Aug 2009 21:07:11 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=366 ]]> To see this in full at my real website please click [HERE]. Thank you.

Nursie says today I am to have an early bath
She’s drawn it up and filled it full before a blazing hearth
I do not care for being clean
I do not wish to wash
There is no need to primp and preen
Nor in the water splosh

But Nursie says she can’t concur
With what I REASONABLY aver
She’s lunging at me with big jugs
And scrubbing <<<HARD>>> behind my lugs
Her claim’s they’re full of cabbages – which REALLY ticks me off
I NEVER go near vegetables – they’re NOT my sort of scoff
She shrieks that I’m a “dashed cross-patch”
Who should “Sit still !”
And be “Less shrill !”
And never – NEVER – scratch !

—————————————————————————————–

Above is the first animation that I have made with the 6th version of
Reallusion‘s Crazy Talk Pro. I haven’t looked at any of the new software’s
in-program multi-head/camera panning capabilities and I don’t “puppeteer”,
instead, I manually keyframe the motions.

However, this character was freshly fitted
(and has (illuminated) OWL’s not CAT’s eyes)
to take advantage  of the just-introduced
and  very welcome second mesh.

This extra framework of  facially-independent points can be positioned to
bound appendages to the skull (hair, ears, horns, hats) that were formerly a,
sometimes unsurpassable, challenge – too awkwardly shaped and/or located
to be sufficiently served by the generic template of a bald humanoid.

I don’t like the jerky ending, the aqua angles aren’t convincing,
the font is too small with some unclear lettering and the running
water MAY be too loud ; nevertheless THAT is staying as it gives
the cat (and everyone else) CAUSE “FUR” (non-compliant) COMPLAINT

There’s an audio cameo from my beshteshtest mate at the end…..who would
be crosser than Kit Cat Kid if he knew I’d been foolin’ with a feline (again !).

It just happened, really ; like ALL Creation.

Hosted at YouTube –>

CHUNTERINGS ADDED 24th, 25th & 26th July 2009
because
<<< THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS RANDOM >>>

Blink and you’ll miss it if it ain’t implicit so…
…much as I hate to <jerk the joke>…
you may look upon these annotated stills
to enwisen the “Why ?”s ‘n’  move on —>

This page is riddled with grey hyperlinks.
Please be aware of that and prose-seed without caution.

I was quite pleased with the audio that I achieved for my
reading of this classic poem. It isn’t very imaginative to
choose to voice the “Tyger“ AS a tiger…. in retrospect,
I MIGHT have aimed to make him sound like a
“toothless tiger” – but I think that would have been
another “joke” largely lost – if achievable at all.

Kate Bush had to EXPLAIN that (“Uh-hurr-”) her
mum-now (blingy ? mum) mumbling on
“King of the Mountain” was an impression of Elvis.

How disappointing.

“Never complain, never explain,” said (lots of people including)  the Queen Mother.
That’s <<Grrrrrrreat !>> (<— and THAT’s a “Tony the Tiger” quote)
if you are ALREADY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.

Hmm. Over-shot that first “still”….Still, there’s still time
to tell you that the Tiger-Print Tie is a mild rebus of
“Tie-Grr !” and might have been all I would ever
have adorned the speaker with had I stuck to my
initial impulse which was very much to :

K.I.S.S.

i.e. “Keep it Simple, Stupid”…

…hence the minimalistic “That’s All Folks !”-style rear roundette.

Probably best not to, like an amateur amator,
get awkwardly osculatory with such a beast as ‘im above
(the law of the lore)
unless he IS (a gummy-chummy)
of the decidedly toothless variety…
…or nailed (before he’s gaoled) to a Trophy Shield
as this bellowing fellow, safely,  is.

Gee Whizz !

Of course, I pegged him to a (gored- ?) board because he had no body
(“join the <club” of the clubbed>)
and it saved me the job of separately animating standard limbs.

I could skip the over-laying twitchings that I employed in
the melancholy

Unguessed Ghost Guest

So as to lessen the impact of how static his lugs are, I began
flinging distractors.

Yeah…What’s a Dis Tractor ? A J.C.B. in Hell.

The introduction of the on-going fiery theme illustrated firstly by one of  my
favourite unencumbered timber enembered snapshots which,
<<<<BAHURRRRRN THA WITCH !!!!!>>>>
with its (capped ?) peek of piqued-teak mystique,
colourfully complements the Big Cat’s Mount.

“The Tyger” (tamed) – a beau with a bow, ever-ready for (battery and)
his close-up, caught
(short ? If not distraught)
in the (head(-lining)) lamp(s) of flash photography.

I considered leaving the tie-turned-ribbon stationary, to excuse his
paralysed ear ; but elected “erasure” instead. “U2” ?

Do we divine an apt Pub Sign,
do we divine the vine and WHY
(no ?!)
the facing feline’s “legless” ?

A series of subSWIG-QUENCHed “Signs” follow.
(Hic !)
Ceaseless (Ghosts &) Wonders, huh ?

Some general prettification. It’s a combination of a camouflagey painty-splat
(that obviously needed, itself, to be COVERED-UP)
background with a Grand Old English Oak Tree.

Who here can think of ACORNy jOAK ?

Well, if  Blake’s “Jerusalem” is about Jesus going on a School Trip to
The Partly-Piratey People’s Republic of West Cornerland, I can
plant summink calmer than a conifer for this jungle-jingle-jangle.

Puny puns ? I just can’t leaf them alone.

Now we see him, now we don’t. Super purty mefinx…if not MeSphinx.

Again, faintly pretty. I enjoy the journey on the colour WhEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeel !

The next shade’s yellow and you don’t need me to “hold your hand“
(I’m NOT a Be(a/e)tle be that a VW OR a Liverpudlian) to tell you there’s
no fruit-dispute as “THIS HAND” is a hand of bananas.

“Yes, We Have No Bananas“
(LISTEN TO THE LOUIS PRIMA VERSION AT LAST.FM)
(no “Eye of the Storm” and no (demure) Aye Aye Lemur)
when we travel from
a (great big) “Hand of Bananas”
to the Eyes of (needlessly ?)
needled Potatoes.

Taste reigns so I shall refrain from mentioning Camels here, a Bible-imbiber might NOT.

This is probably the same not-very-edgy-edging that I used to bound the
border of “Knowledge of Porridge“. The still is a “frame”, a frame WITHIN
a “frame”.

Ooo ! Look ! I know about the green-screen key in Adobe Premiere Pro.
Not well enough to block-out properly and with as much adherence to
“symmetry” as Alanis Morrisette manages to “irony” in her chronic “Ironic”.

I had originally been toying with ideas about Lambs and Tigers and mirrors
(if NOT “Lions and Tigers and Bears – oh my !“)
but, as I <build as I go> those possibilities were no FURther explored than
in this single <PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS> image.

The “distant” distance here is “Distant Poplars” by Claude Monet.
I could pretend that I chose a work by this Frenchman because his
name sounds like Clawed Money.

Staying with painters, colours and the overall incendiary theme, I could also
pretend that this accidentally alighted-upon image was DELIBERATELY discovered.

It is (“Burnt) Sienna (“) Miller, stained sepia, posing, usefully with BOTH the
“Tyger” and the “chain” from the poem. Coo, Ta, Pet…

(Burnt) Sienna Miller provides the “thi(gh)” in “thine“
eventually doubling the central “i“
that is neither “me” nor “thee” to

two eyes.

The “wings” belong to a Tiger Moth. NATURE’s version is less plain than the plane.

The “terrible asp” I chose for the first half of this word is, fittingly, the
TIGER Snake ; how “charming“… Oh ! And it can do BOTH
“HissssSssSsSsS !” and “Boo !“

This is what happens when a Tiger Snake gets “rattled“.
The “spire” portion of “aspire” is from the Church
(the Christopher Wren-designed St.James’s, Picadilly)
where William Blake was baptised.

From “aspire” and ” a spire” to “a pyre” and some memorial markers to
Hindu wives who’ve sacrificed themselves in the Sutee/Sutti/Sati tradition.

I was able to position these (non-lamb) limbs to “arm” the Tyger.
“dare“

?

Is he in a stance of surrender or of accost ?

Here I am extending “sieze” to “Caesar” (adding, without that asp-irant “adder“,
where I should CUT
(the etymologies are with SECTIONal SCISSORings))
and adorning my character with a Romanesque
head-dress of laurel.

So it seems or SEAms the “forests of the night” are
Poplar-Yew-ated by more than (Grand Old English) Oaks.

Just as William Blake chose to (magic(k)ally) spell “Tyger” in a manner that (looks
better-balanced written down in neato-calligraphically-cali(ine)br(i)ated
“What the hand?” scroll-scrawl) is not currently consensually considered “correct”
so also is HIS “seize” more at ease as “sieze“.

I super-imposed a chuffed-up “[sic]” to show I know (and know YOU know) -
but my “[sic]” knows the slick <muse-”SICK>” of the SNEEZE that’s in SIEZE.

Let ‘em <AtchooooooOoooOoOoooo !>.

This Roman Helmet is supposed to reinforce the Classical allusion evidenced
by the laurel garland.

Hmm…. is Laurel Garland Judy’s unknown sibling ?

Perhaps SHE would BE the “*GUMM*y Chummy”…

In “the heat of the moment”, Caesar’s sneeze-seized fever sees the leaves (leave)
fallen in the fall, ignited and be-nighted.

Stentorian Centurion shine supine
before the gladiatorial glint
of the fire-fighter !

The dents on this brassy helmet show it  originally served in daily duty
and was NOT saved solely for the ceremonial.

The “burning bush” extinguished by a slope of ice. The dents on the fireman’s
visor are textually akin to the toothy “dents” of the grim gang of frozen-fangs.

To emphasise the hill of chill – Enter (top-left) the (drole) Arctic Roll !

This is a “Cold Shoulder”. It is a “Cold Shoulder of Lamb”, situated so that
our friend  the “Tyger” might develop a hunch about his lunch…

…munch…….(*Credit) crunch……..thanks a bunch !
(…but not “…of bananas” because – as we know – THEY come in hands,
er and hands come in Spades – and I’ll now draw a veil…)

* Hard to believe Wikipedia’s notion that the revival of the
Arctic Roll is due to the “Credit Crunch“. Just HOW cheap are desserts ?

Do we need to say “Cheep !” to get a Bird‘s Eye View ?

Perhaps the revival has something to do with what “1″
can or can’t “Count On” as these antique Arctic antics,
posted to YouTube by dylanwatkins, may hint :

I think the “Maths is Fun” routine would be better suited “2″  Fish fingers.

Here we have the “Tyger” with a “Chip on his Shoulder” – that is a “Chip on
his Cold Shoulder of Lamb”.

The (nice ?) (ice-) slice of Arctic Roll has slipped and is en route to its
vermillion-hued landing ring.

The sub-zero touch of the ice-cream pudding makes the Tyger’s shoulders
distinct(ured). To the left : the COLD SHOULDER, to the right : CHIP ON SHOULDER.

Obviously, these additions give the Trophy Shield a new status as THE OLD BLOCK.

This “art” is “Art Garfunkel“. I like “his” ears.

Spot the “(Bright) Eyes“… (Musical) Note that, according to Mike Batt, they
too were (two) “burning with fire”,…

This is “twist“, as in chewing tobacco,
(and Tanita Tikaram‘s “Sobriety” – how much “Sobriety” would Tanita Tikaram
have if she was Tanita Tot o’ Rum ??)
located like a cigarette. I avoided Oliver.

That boy may be too prim to smoke but I’m sure the “Wild“er Dodger would
(H.R.)puf(f)(nstuf) and think Huck Finn DOES….. unless Mrs. Hippie‘s Master’s
just posing with his pipe….

… sounds VERY DODGY.

“sinews” as er…. naughty ovines. Some “Wham-Bam ! Thank you Ram” plus
boozy BLACK SHEEP (in suspenders) OF THE FAMILY.

Dearly Deer to Thy Heart and Thy White Hart.

A second Pub Sign, succeeding the “Tiger Inn”.

Like Burnt Sienna Miller’s Tiger, the animal is similarly chained and
his shield is the same shape as the talking “Tyger“‘s.

“White Hart Lane” is the location of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club
and this swift symbol salutes the heraldry that has latterly been re-appropriated
to badge modern sporting TEAMS rather than INDIVIDUAL Knights of yore.

Of this there shall be more (if not Bobby Moore…)…

This is Tony Hart, Tony (H)Artist – a man, for years, left in loco parentis to
TEACH (encourage and <<Wow>>)  THE U.K.’s CHILDREN.

A duo of drum-sticks made from sugar-BEET.

“Little Things”, getting excited about “2″ again.
2 lots of “2″ (no “No. 2″s (SnooZzzZzzZzze !)
2 Sugarbeet (up?) Drumsticks
2 Bongos… (0  Bongs)

…take us 2 (“Take 5” ??) —>

[LISTEN !]

1 Beatnik, maaaaaaan…

…with (“)dread(“)locks…

He’s more of a card than Lemmy from Mötorhead.

…and soon we shall see ANOTHER “Motor”/Petrol-head…

“Ceci n’est pas un Judge Dredd“.

There’s quite a lot of Soccer (and later – Snooker) referenced in this
“Poetic Post Card”. This football is muddy as it is bawling about
seventies glam band Mud‘s huge hit “Tiger Feet“.

Their’s is the riff.

Now we may pause to see those paws be-slippered.

Here is the “What…”

…in “West Ham United“.

Thus *an* answer to “What the hammer ?” is –>

“Wot ! – “The Hammers”.

“The Hammers” is the nickname given to West Ham United‘s players.

Their club shield looks backwards (in this “film”) to the heraldic
White Hart shield and forwards to the logo for the Tamil TIGERs.

Screencast of Editing Footie Logo in Microsoft Photo Draw 2000 Version 2 –>

To accompany the audio toilet-flush, this chain is ornamented with
Tiger’s Eye.

In response to the question : “In what furnace ?“

I have suggested a ruggy indoor FURiNESS
and a rugged outdoor Barrow-in-Furness.

Like “Gorgeous knickers,” in

Day Of(f) Wra(i)th

this is probably the ONLY gag (in this “piece”)  that this
sour, dour, glowerer actually finds LAUGHABLY funny.

Not forgetting our host is a carnivore, we hope he’s not a cannibal as
we see how interchangeable the tongue
and a bit of spiney-something-or-other are.

ROAR if you like it raw…

…and read the late Reay Tannahill‘s readily red in tooth and claw :  “Flesh & Blood“.

Aston Villa Football Club‘s catty mascot is as leonine as a “Rory” (or an Aurora).

Does “PREPARED” mean we should look to cook the meat we meet ?

“What the anvil ?“

Wot Aston Villa.

Must “dread” anticipate ? This instant is petrified, Jesus and Judas,
pre-Christian pre-cursors to a kiss (without K.I.S.S.).

I have illustrated the “dread grasp” as being the “Judas Kiss“.

To “grass someone up” is to betray them.

The ASP is in the grASP…
…the GRASp of the GRASS of…
…the “Snake in the Grass”.

The Tiger Snake that we saw before,
Sir Pent-Up, not heedin’ the weedin’ in Eden…

…too mopey, too “dope“y,  as ropey as the
“twist” insists  – to be “pot“ted henceforth.

From “Grass” to “Gas” ; not that I’m northern ; not that you’d notice ; a silen’ siren.

The Tamil Tigers‘ shield design. The rifles are angled like
West Ham United Football Club’s tools – in a St.Andrew’s
Cross configuration.

We’ll see that again when next we are “Snookered”.

The “clasp” is on a Toy Tiger key-ring, visually it echoes the question-mark -
particularly clearly with this font.

Spears and Spears and Tigers and Tigers.

Paris Hilton and Britney “Spears” (clad in costly costumes of Tiger-Print)
represent “the stars” as they step on the “down“ed spears of two
classical big-game hunters extracted from an ancient mosaic.

These “tears” are both signifiers of sadness and the soundalike “tiers”
of this tiger-decorated cake.

I believe German Zoos are called TierParks.

They are probably FULL of Tigers.

They’re not full of much in “Hannibal Brooks” – but mostly, moistly
<Empty of Elephant>.

One of Winner‘s Winners.

At last ! The arrival of our petrol-head….or “Pets Rule” Head given the melange
of his motoring menagerie.

The convertible is a 1967 Sunbeam Tiger, its occupants
“Isaac van Amburgh and his Animals“
as captured by
Sir Edwin Henry Landseer.

A close-up of the “Tiger” name-branding on the Sunbeam roadster with
the head of a decapitated member of that species dangled over the
windscreen by the,  lion-taming, owner of some serious wrist-bling.

Athough the colours differ, we could imagine that this is the delivery
of our host ; he may pray, instead for deliverence ; hence.

A front-seat passengering lamb is visible, lyin‘ down a”head” of the lion
lounging on the rear-shelf. The pairing is a nod to the pre-Blake, biblical
text exploring that pair of creatures living in harmony ; although, if it
comes from Revelation, wouldn’t it be Death that’d put paid to
any cross-species bickering/unassailable attacks of the munchies ?

Yikes ! The Google Zeitgeist says the lion and the lamb have been
hi-jacked by Stephanie Meyer‘s “Twilight“.

They don’t really work as shades or eye-patches but they have very little
screen-time obsuring the “Tyger“‘s eyes. These circles are two representations
of the flag-wielding lamb that is the symbol of the Moravian Church that
William Blake was involved with.

The “eye-patches” are brought forth to alter their role to that of rollers or
wheels, “Follow”ing fast on the heels of the crew in the car.

I missed the chance to add some homonymish  conkers ;
that would have been nuts.

Ram Lambs aren’t always allowed to keep those.

Their <not so “Merrie”> band practice may be with rubber-bands.

Ouch.

The next “burning bright” shows an underlying swirling satellite picture of “Bright“,
a region of Australia, <set alight> (Hmm that would be Kiwi/Sowd Iffrikin
not strains of Strine) and “ram”paged over by forest fires as indicated by the
map atop.

“Tyger ! Tyger ! Burning Bright in the forest-fires of the night,“

Where might you go FOR REST ? The forest ? In a Fo(u)r-Rest (Poster) Bed ?
This FURniture exists, I did not hybridise it with Photo Draw.

Extracting an Eye-Ball with Microsoft Photo Draw 2000 Version 2

Finally, the “Eye of the Tiger” pops up (and out) as we progress in/return
to sporting themes (it’s all “balls” (for Oddballs)).

I didn’t have time or space to include the pugilistic references I wanted to.
I had gloves and Harold Lloyd as “Tiger” Sullivan to go but went with the
low-key but lengthy garb of a golfer Tiger Woods.

Hmm…. Tiger Woods, Jeremy Irons, Johnny Ball, Jeff Green.

“What the hand ?“

Tiger Woods’ ((‘)arm-less palm-less) hand becomes the respectable receptacle
for an (“)Eye(of the Tiger)(“)BALL POTted a la a golfing (holy) hole-in-one.

We shall soon see what FURther “point” “he” may be making…and switch to a
sport that also involves POTting but that might be more familiar to a tiger given
that many of those those felines and Snooker are native to India.

Tripping between golf and snooker and India and Scotland. These cues
give clues to this “frame” referring to the <indoor game>. Diagonal
whiteness on a blue background conveys the St.Andrews cross of the
Scottish flag.

St.Andrews, of  (golf) “course” is the home of the <outdoor game>.

My Facial Hair Problem, an Early Revision of a  Tache That Was Discarded

Back in Britain, and backing Britain, Tiger Woods’ digit says “Yer number’s up !”
to the lily-livered and, accusatory and challenging finds Lord Kitchener
up his sleeve in this direct parody of the famous World War One
“Your Country Needs You“
recruitment poster.

Here’s a second bout of skew-whiff  “symmetry” ; <see me try>.

Yikes ! “Tries” are in Rugby…. could have had a Tiger Rugby.

The wooden triangle is used in Snooker to gather and group all
the red balls.

Adjusting My Balls –>

However, this is not a game of Snooker, this is William Blake’s “The Tyger“
and I have arranged these balls so that the colours form a FLAME in the FRAME.

The “FLAME FRAME” makes its Hazard Warning Sign message clear.

Editing the “Risk of Fire” Triangle Sign in Microsoft Photo Draw and Adobe Premiere Pro

Magic ensues, indeed “flowers”, as I “play with my balls”.
The lighter coloured examples in the b(l)ackground will soon reveal
themselves to be STAGElights.

The gloved Snooker referee links back through “What hand ?” to Tiger Woods
and his earlier glove and potting.

The colour conjuring continues…

…and we discover the snooker-ball stagelights belong to
comedian Dara O’Briain who has borrowed Blake’s face.

William, we see, had a hand in everything…

…so we have to “hand it to him” and show his original handiwork.

I thank him for the fun.

The spoken audio quotage is from a famous 80′s advertisng campaign
that ukadverts shared at YouTube —>

Lamb-Like Wail is an anagram of William Blake.

Hosted at DailyMotion –>

The words wut you wuzz prolly a-lookin’ for —>

THE TYGER
(from “Songs of Experience”)
By William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze (sic) the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

This is the first AuralAurora <<Poetic Post Card>>
that I have created to benefit from YouTube’s new

W   I    D    E    S   C   R    E    E    N

format presentation.

I’m not sure if the “&=fmt22″ appendage will guarantee the
HIGH QUALITY playback…..anyway – this shows that
Florence Nightingale hain’t done got the monopoly on
the monicker “Lady with the Lamp” —>

THE NEW COLOSSUS
by
EMMA LAZARUS

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land ;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome ; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp !” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door !”

——————————————

I posted this to a number* of video-sharing sites in addition to
YouTube. First among st these ((un)equals) was LiveVideo whose editors
may have thoroughly stymied its chances of receiving ANY views by
(Russell ?) branding its “colourful” content “Mature”.

I was initially <<utterly baffled>> by this decision but later realised
that the sensitive censor must’ve been objecting to a pants perception.

They clearly think that colossol Colossus is kickin’ aboot wi’ nay keks !!!
(Astride SANS “Strides” !)

This was further supported (even if the brassed-off ‘n’ bronzed statuesque one isn’t)
by Revver ad’-pairing the piece with promotions for underpants…

…and there I was thinking folk’d focus on the sub-titles.

I’d not even noticed the (c)old codger’s todger.

The original image is “Colossus of Rhodes“
by Martin Heemskerck

er… that’s MISTER
(Doc ?) Marten Jacobszoon Heemskerk van Veem
2
Euan Nye

——————————————————————-

*=4 (what it’s (not) worth).

This is my entry for Doritos’ “You Make It, We Play It“
TV Commercial Creation Contest. The requirement was for
an ad’ running to precisely 29 seconds. I cut the music
that they provided to fit this duration, scribbled some
words, squawked them and then had a GIANT fight making
the saily boats ‘n’ the snackfoods jump through hoops.

…NOT Sketty Hoops or Hula Hoops, though…
…er ONE promotion at a time, eh ?

There’s a really bad(/over-subtle) visual pun where
the pallet represents a palate being over-run by its
“taste bud(d)(ie)s”.

The clichéd flying saucer features as the winning entry
was to be broadcast into outer space.

Anyway, as ever, EVERYTHING is secondary to
~ THE WORDS ~

Original May 2008 Entry

2009 HQ Re-Uploads

With Added Surtitles – What V1 SHOULD Have Been

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MY LYRICS TO SOME JAUNTY
ROYALTY-FREE MUSIC
SUPPLIED BY DORITOS

The Tortilla Flotilla’s a Larder Armada
Where Corn Chips have borne ships
There’s no plain sailing
‘f it’s flavour you favour, a saucer of Salsa
Will “float your boat” better than balsa wood could

It’s Doritos
The Fleet knows
Can keep them on their toes
In our dream the Sour Cream jives with the Chives
Watch the Dorsal endorse all and force ev’ry morsel
To skip and slip into the Dip

Mark your barque with an erudite BITE !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whilst “Teaching at Rome”, in a 15th Century illustration by
Florentine artist Benozzo Gozzoli, St.Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD)
and his chorister companions align to sing a line online
from Book 10 of “Confessions”.

This is the first lip-synching animation that I made with the full
final release version of Reallusion‘s Crazy Talk 5. You can see how much
more MOBILE the features are of the (bouyed) “boy” figure at the front
than was the case with characters created with earlier iterations of the software

The foregrounded lad(y) was snatched (yikes) from another Gozzoli picture.

I created separate “scripts” for every singer. (Spot the Colin Firth-alike on the left)
but this is probably lost as the (Cripes ! That’s Jennifer Ehle beside ‘im, innit ?!)
faces are all so small

<<You cannot see-ee, You cannot see-ee, You cannot see-ee>>

and I have presented this as
a single-scene CARD rather than a FILM with pans and close-ups.

It’s sillier than it’s supposed to be but I quite liked the audio, for a change.
I done-did-do it with drone Karaoke chord changes on a Yamaha PSR-3000.

…and all without a crash helmet.

Who’s Helmut ?

Hmm… Hell Mutt mu’t be a Hound o’ Hades.

The complete ENGLISH text of
“The Confessions of St.Augustine“
is available from Project Gutenberg

Wot no Barack ?

Black and White at The White House, these Heads of State
(and the United States) show a shared nose for (follow my ?)
leadership. Scroll below this film to see if you recognised :

George Washington
John Adams
Thomas Jefferson
James Madison
James Monroe
John Quincy Adams
Andrew Jackson
Martin Van Buren
William Henry Harrison
John Tyler
James K. Polk
Zachary Taylor
Millard Filmore
Franklin Pierce
James Buchanan
Abraham Lincoln
Andrew Johnson
Ulysses S. Grant
Rutherford B. Hayes
James A. Garfield
Chester A. Arthur
Grover Cleveland
Benjamin Harrison
Grover Cleveland
William McKinley
Theodore Roosevelt
William Howard Taft
Woodrow Wilson
Warren G. Harding
Calvin Coolidge
Herbert Hoover
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Harry S. Truman
Dwight D. Eisenhower
John F. Kennedy
Lyndon B. Johnson
Richard M. Nixon
Gerald R. Ford
Jimmy Carter
Ronald Reagan
George H. W. Bush
William J. Clinton
George W. Bush

This brief animation is the result of my first use of the software
Fantamorph 4. I think the result is reasonable but compromised.

Railing against impaling by staking a lyrical miracle,
British Prime Minister ~ GORDON BROWN ~ <Performs>/Transforms
“London Town” with his rendition of Hubert Gregg‘s :

~ MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I’M A LONDONER ~

This is a lip-synching animation that I made (after nine dazed days of crazed audio-editing),
whilst testing the beta build of the fifth version of Reallusion‘s Crazy Talk software.

This first clip shows the finished greeting with the Prime Minister in a Prime (Dis(sed))Location :

HQ Version (Added June 2009)

Here you can see and hear Gordon with a biiiiiiiiiig hiiiiiiiiiiiiid.
Just look at the LIQUIDITY !

25 September 2009

I’ve returned again (like a kipper that just won’t be a kipper)
adding this re-located (re-located, re-located) revision.
Here you can hear Gordon (even if you can’t hear) as you
watch him “PERFORM“ing on the capital’s popular
<LONDON EYE> tourist attraction :

There’s a markéd lack of <3D a-rockin’ and a-rollin’> in this clip,
reason bein’ there’s <some geezer stood right behind that
there (“there, there there“) (M.P. turned) P.M.> and I don’t want
ya to see ‘im ; although the “Great Scot(t)” is  probably “banking“
on welcoming ANY backing.

HUBERT GREGG’S LYRICS

Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner
That I love London so
Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner
That I think of her wherever I go

I get a funny feeling inside of me
Just walking up and down
Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner
That I love London Town

Watt‘s the Pig(gy Bank) Idea ?
To keep your “interest” ?

‘ERE BE THE WONDER O’ THE WORDERY —>

Do (k)not be(e)friend the trend
To spend what udders lend
And then pretend
~ Ewe-Ooo-Oooo ~
Did (k)not
LET you !
GET chew !
DEBT you…

…can’t re-pay
In(n) any way -
Without delay ;
Or(e) leans on loans
From firms with terms
That consolidate
But can’t console

Control from such a crutch
Is not worth much
To those who’d rather RUN
Their own affairs
With Bulls and Bears
Than borrow from To-morrow : Sorrow
And a duller dollar dolour

Edit Credit and learn to earn
“A penny for your thoughts,”
WON 5 and a pair of noughts

Arrange exchange
SAVE Yourself

And BANK the MONKEY !

.

This is a film I put together for a competition run by a publicity-seeking
British financial web site requesting responses, of no more than a minute,
to the query :

“What Would Your Money Say to You ?”

Hence the snarky, non-sympathetic attitude that is entirely
directed at myself and my utter cluelessness as to how
you can actually ever get anyone to pay you to….er…. *PLAY*.

It references £500 (a “monkey”, in slang) because that was the prize.
There are logo-ed screens for “Pounds”, “Shillings” and “Pence”
on the gold PSP and special ghost …. um special GUEST (dis)appearances
from James Watt, Sir John Houblon, The Leaning Tower of Pisa
and a Sopwith **CAMEL**.

(Thread)**NEEDLE**(ss) to say, with 13 (unlucky for some) views,
I was never in the running to further my funds on the twELFth of the tWEALTH…

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/12/01/the-ub-rhym-mark-it-a-comic-streaming-film-poem-about-the-sub-prime-credit-crunch-financial-crisis/feed/ 1 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/unguessed-ghost-guest/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/unguessed-ghost-guest/#comments Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:44:49 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=78 ]]> To see and read about this at my real website, please click [HERE]. Thank you.

Unusually, for this site, so far, I did not write the text that I am reading in
the (self-appointedly) sombre piece below. This is the final fully facially-focussed
animation that I created with Version 4.5 of Reallusion‘s Crazy Talk. I think
it displays an increased subtlety of expression – particularly with the eye movement -
I hope it shows engagement and emotion whilst conveying a sense of the character
REALLY being alive to the inner world of his thoughts and perceptions.

High Quality Subtitled Version :

I think it is a definite improvement over my earlier attempts :

Animal Rites

Toil in Soil

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/unguessed-ghost-guest/feed/ 1 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/these-boots-were-made-with-clonecloth/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/these-boots-were-made-with-clonecloth/#comments Tue, 12 Jun 2007 08:35:54 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=179 ]]> NEW VERSIONS OF THIS POST AT

1. CloneCloth – Please Click [THIS]

2. PhotoDraw – Please Click [THIS]

CloneCloth from Reallusion cost me more than I would spend on
REAL clothes in a year. This is a film clip giving some insight into the
process of creating with it AND the resultant output.

Other than a jumper, this is the only thing I have created with
CloneCloth so far.

High Quality avi conversion streaming from YouTube :

Footwear is possibly more challenging than other garments. As far
as I can remember,  you can’t, satisfactorily, use any text (these
Wellington Boots should have been marked with the “Dunlop” logo)
because it will be REVERSED (i.e. DESREVER) on one of the
pair of shoes.

That typed, what ya gets is a set of Templates of Clothing Outlines
to decorate using your preferred graphics package. The process is fairly
straightfoward, a simple solution typical of the felicitous facilitations
innovated for iClone (although Reallusion seem to be convinced
that everyone uses Adobe Photoshop or another editor that
<**allows for LAYERS**> – my favourite <DESIGN DINOSAUR>
MS PhotoDraw does NOT).

I am <ridiculously in love> with Microsoft PhotoDraw 2000
Version 2. This excellent package, the evolution of Microsoft Image
Composer (known to users of Microsoft FrontPage), was ahead of
its time, on release, at the turn of the millenium. I imagine it failed to
win the following it more than deserved (and CONTINUES TO
DESERVE (!!!!)) because it was marketed, as an “Office” application to
businesses that were unlikely to have had enough RAM (contemporary
reviews suggested 64MB as a requirement) and general graphical GRUNT
installed in their low-end PCs to be able to run it – thus they had no choice
but to disMisS it and MisS out.

The iPod should never have <slit the throat> of the Sony Walkman
and Microsoft should NOT HAVE MURDERED THEIR BRIGHTEST BABY.

If you also enjoy Microsoft PhotoDraw 2000 V2, think you might have
done, given the chance, and would like to see it re-vamped and resurrected,
it’s easy to send the software giant an e.mail telling them so. They were unable
to assure me that the program would run in Vista, Windows 7 or any future
operating system – so I have no confidence that my favourite software will
run on a new machine – therefore I have NO MOTIVATION TO BUY and will
ONLY do so when my current computer breaks beyond all repair.

For me, a computer WITHOUT Microsoft PhotoDraw is NOT a computer.

If Microsoft created a contemporary, guaranteed-compatible,  graphics
solution that only had to be AS GOOD AS PhotoDraw, I’d be able to make
further purchases from them. I’d WANT the new OS and I’d WANT the arts
package.

WHY are they letting Adobe and the Apple Mac steal a march on them ?

As it makes no (surface) SENSE, did it make them some (back-handed) CENTS ?
Did they mothball <<a winning product>> because it was VERY GOOD and
VERY QUICK and VERY EASY to use and therefore presents (nearly) NO
learning curve and so requires <NO TRAINING> leaving no space for people
trying to  make a living from $elling cour$e$ – which generally seem
to revolve  around showing students <<WHERE the buttons are>> in
DELIBERATELY unwieldy user interfaces constructed by behemoths to
baffle the blinkered and preclude the POOR from PSD participation ?

Isn’t the <PICTURE> “the BIGGER PICTURE” ?

Heh. “Our way or the Highway”.

No way !

…..No wait !

Stop your cringing and stop me whinging by
making your mark an addition to the petition :

~ BRING BACK MICROSOFT PHOTODRAW ~

Thankeeeee !

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/these-boots-were-made-with-clonecloth/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/03/17/saints-alive-congregation-bowled-fisher-of-mens-st-patricks-daybirthday-bold-fisherman-boogie/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2007/03/17/saints-alive-congregation-bowled-fisher-of-mens-st-patricks-daybirthday-bold-fisherman-boogie/#comments Sat, 17 Mar 2007 07:21:54 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=1193 ]]> To see this at my real website, please click : [HERE]. Thank you.

SAINT(‘)S ALIVE !

The snakes’ll jive and cast doubt on “Cast out,”. Father who is
(Celtic k) not a “Father“, reverently, Rev(.)erendly goes farther
than a mitre-d (not a maître d’) mite might to smite the blight
of birthday : 231.

ORIGINAL ST.PATRICK‘S DAY 2007 PUBLICATION :

SUB-TITLED VERSION :

The Bold Fisherman (Traditional)
THESE Lyrics
as Per Tommy Makem‘s Performance

There was a Bold Fisherman from Arklow County Wick(a)low
Who slew the Bold Codfish and the Bold Mackerel
One day when fishing off of Ark(a)low
The stormy winds begin to blow
His little boat went wibble wobble
Overboard went he

Singing :
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
‘t was a highly interesting song he sung
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
sang the Bold Fisherman

He wriggled and squiggled in the water so briney-oh
He hollered and bellowed for “Help !” but in vain
Then down he did swiftly gilde
To the bottom of the silv’ry tide
Previously to this he cried :
“Fare thee well, Mary Jane !”

Singing :
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
‘t was a highly interesting song he sung
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
sang the Bold Fisherman

His ghost walks at Midnight to the bedside of his Mary Jane
When he told her how dead he was
She said : “I’ll go mad !
My love he is so dead, ” said she,
“I never more will happy be
No joy in life is left for me,”
And she went raving mad

Singing :
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
‘t was a highly interesting song he sung
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
sang the Bold Fisherman

“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
‘t was a highly interesting song he sung
“Twinky Doodle Um
Twinky Doodle Um,”
sang the Bold Fisherman

“iClone” is an evolving animation-creation software program that
generally caters well for self-taught have-a-go-hero-home-hobbyists
who probably can’t afford the time, money and daisy-chains of PCs
that may be required to render output from exclusive high-end
professional packages.

It ships with a small starter selection of pre-set character movements
that, due to this universality of provision, have a ubiquitousness and
instant-recognisability that has tended to distractingly
de-value them through their being, necessarily,

<<DONE TO DEATH>>.

Fortunately, the option to expand, deviate and  “Create-Your-Own”
has always been available to purchasers of the top version of the
product. Prior to iClone 3, unique sequences could be choreographed
by posing  and re-posing an undecorated artist’s model-like “doll”, along
a timeline, in a 3D applet called “Motion Editor“.

Here you can take a peep at playback from about forty seconds
of dancing that I strung together, without the benefits of
audio-scrub or a figure that could be relied upon to precisely
match the idiosyncratic physical form of its clothed recipient :

The audio-visual synchronisation drops off after about 16 seconds.
I don’t think Motion Editor was designed to be used for lengthy pieces….
I therefore, always, MIS-used it by trying to create COMPLETE character
animations for full-length songs. My results also tended to be rather jerky.
I think this was due to a combination of harsh keyframing and the general
difficulty of trying to create BELIEVABLE, natural, springy activity by hand.

To assist with this manual task, provision is made for film
to be placed, for reference, behind the model so that you
could attempt to match the movements of real actors.
It’s an innovative idea but one that fewer people would
need to explore if Reallusion provided a wide range of
individually-downloadable, fully-editable motion captures.

_____________________________________________________________________

Lastly (!) you may view the final (ghastly ?) (not) resting p(l)ace of the above custom motion :

Subtitled version :

Yes, the presentation, a composite of output from Crazy Talk 4 and iClone 1.52,
is a MESS with all kinds of everything happening at entirely the WRONG speeds -
but, it flows ‘n’ shows O’Beady-Eyed obedience to the BEAT.

Whingeing about singeing, with all the best/beast-blessed tunes
(and a, fortunately, un-four-eyed “fork”ing withered tuna for a tuner)

Beelzebub bellyaches as a talking tummy turns (a) singing stomach.

High Quality avi-conversion streaming from YouTube :

————————————————–

Organ theft = 0:16 – 1:19 of
“Lament to the Earl of Bottesford Beck“
(Track 8 on “England” by AMAZING BLONDEL (1972))

Devil Delivery by HANS MEMLING via “Hell” (1485)
Soul-Bowl Content by WILLIAM BOUGUREAU from
“A Soul Brought to Heaven” (1878)

Lyx’n’ Vox (1999)
Diabolical Die-ers’ Dir(e)rection (2006)

Lord Above, Sweet Immanuel

Lord above, sweet Immanuel
Safe haven from Strife’s sour swell
Carry me, bodily, Heavenly, unto Thee
Grant my soul’s liberty eternity
Honesty’s sanctity proffers tranquility
Adds to humanity – humility

Lord of love, sweet Immanuel
Returning as the saints foretell
Golden light, glimmering
Burning bright, shimmering
Banishing Treachery, vanquishing Misery

——————————————————–

It was not without thought of my late grandmother that
I originally wrote these words, in earnest, as a supposedly
sweet spaniel-penned hymn for a musical/themed-collection
of songs I was obsessively amassing.

However, a suitable dog head was never rigged and I took
a VERY different track creating this communication
between a crucified (but dancing) devil and his possessed
(but glorifying) guts.

The tiresome and over-extended ending about “weiners”,
“winners” and “hot dogs” came about because I entered this in
YouTuber “NightowlDarksky”‘s
2006 Halloween Video Competition.

I think his grandparents were the judges and the
Grand Prize was a box of Tesco Chocolates.

In the interim, “NightowlDarksky” has erased hundreds
of vlogs from that YouTube account and so all trace of the
Contest has been eliminated.

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/10/18/lord-above-sweet-immanuel-or-what-the-hell-was-that/feed/ 1 neatretreat 150_still_lasi_4716 http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/06/07/the-ratcatchers-daughter-animated-animal-in-victorian-pop-song-with-lyrics-by-cleric-the-rev-e-bradley/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/06/07/the-ratcatchers-daughter-animated-animal-in-victorian-pop-song-with-lyrics-by-cleric-the-rev-e-bradley/#comments Wed, 07 Jun 2006 08:06:13 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=92 ]]> To see the full version of this, at my website, please click : [HERE]. Thank you.

Anti-campus cattywampus, catty, waily, caterwauling
Mr. Kit N. Caboodle (a feelin’ feline) smells a fishy rat
- proposing London not be undone by
elemenTREE, ParliamenTREE Pest Control.

High Quality avi-conversion, streamed from YouTube :

The above “pur”"fur”mance showcases only the beggar’s
(winning/whining) beginning to this 19th Century song.

Mr. Charles Dickens knew all about it.

Take heed, be blessed and read the (arresting) rest —>

THE RATCATCHER’S DAUGHTER
by
REV. E. BRADLEY

Not long ago, in Vestminstier,
There lived a rat-catcher‘s daughter,
But she didn’t quite live in Vestminstier,
‘Cause she lived t’other side of the vater;
Her father caught rats, and she sold sprats,
All round and about that quarter;
And the gentlefolks all took off their hats,
To the putty little ratcatcher’s daughter!
Doodle dee! doodle dum! di dum doodle da!

Now, rich and poor, both far and near,
In matrimony sought her;
But at friends and foes she turn’d up her nose,
Did the putty little ratcatcher’s daughter.
For there was a man, sold lily-vite sand,
In Cupid‘s net had caught her
And right over head and ears in love
Vent the putty little ratcatcher’s daughter!
Doodle dee, etc.

Now ratcatcher’s daughter so ran in his ‘ead,
He couldn’t tell vat he was arter,
So, instead of crying “D’ye vant any sand!”
He cried, “D’ye vant any ratcatcher’s daughter ?”
His donkey cocked his ears and laughed,
And couldn’t think vat he was arter,
Ven he heard his lily-vite sandman cry,
“D’ye vant any ratcatcher’s daughter?”
Doodle dee, etc.

They both agreed to married be
Upon next Easter Sunday,
But Ratcatcher’s Daughter she had a dream
That she wouldn’t be alive on Monday;
She vent vunce more to buy some sprats,
And she tumbled into the vater,
And down to the bottom, all kiver’d up with mud,
Vent the putty little ratcatcher’s daughter!
Doodle dee, etc.

Ven Lily-vite Sand ‘e ‘eard the news,
His eyes ran down with water,
Said ‘e “In love I’ll constant prove;
And blow me if I’ll live long arter.”
So he cut his throat vith a pane of glass,
And stabbed ‘is donkey arter!
So ‘ere is an end of Lily-vite Sand,
Donkey, and the ratcatcher’s daughter!
Doodle dee, etc.

The neighbours all, both great and small,
They flocked unto ‘er berrein’
And vept that a gal who’d cried out sprats,
Should be dead as any herrein’
‘Twas a haccident they all agreed,
And nuffink like self-slaughter;
So not guiltee of “fell in the sea”,
They brought in the ratcatcher’s daughter !
Doodle dee, etc.

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/06/07/the-ratcatchers-daughter-animated-animal-in-victorian-pop-song-with-lyrics-by-cleric-the-rev-e-bradley/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/04/23/toil-in-soil-ex-david-bowie-associate-now-workin-with-perkin-to-donald-trump-the-flump-if-he-watering-can/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2006/04/23/toil-in-soil-ex-david-bowie-associate-now-workin-with-perkin-to-donald-trump-the-flump-if-he-watering-can/#comments Sun, 23 Apr 2006 09:15:00 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=74 ]]> To view this at my website, please click : [HERE]. Thank you.

Mellow fellow of New Gnome College, Oxted expounds giving [grounds]
to the <flowery powers> of POSITIVITY’s possibilities.

2006 Audio ‘n’ Animation NOW (2009) in HQ at YouTube :

Piped to perfection by Emma Johnson, you can’t <trump the trumpet >
or <Flump the flumpet> of PAUL READE‘s reeds – so (sow) (You “so and
so”s and) obey the oboe and the winning woodwind West Country
warbles whipped from his TV theme music to super series :
“The Victorian Kitchen Garden“.

MY LYRICS SET TO MUSIC BY PAUL READE

What I’m growing to realise
Is it’s easy to fertilise
My ideas
Without fears
So give cheers
To the Blood Sweat and Tears
My Dears

The accost of the frost is lost
In the heat of the peat – compost
Can thaw more
As you pour
Toil in soil

————————————————–

“Sow” what have we learn from the Wikipedia hyperlinks here ?
That “West Country Whipping””s references are both ropey
and the Crème de la Crème.

————————————————–

Following the formal, floral flurry of her first full (indigestible) fe(a)stival,
a young Greek girl ~ whirled in the Ancient World ~ feels less than bullish
about a “barbecue” she can’t “relish” whilst ruing the rules of religious rite
to favour the flavour of Vegemite at a panicked Pannychis that’s proven
death, like “life…’s no picnic“.

You can read about the [BULL SACRIFICE] at the end of the Eleusian Mysteries,
that is the cause of this kid’s queasiness by clicking the highlighted hyperlink
to visit Wikipedia’s [FREE ENTRY] “entry”.

I like the vocal. The “Uncanny Valley” visuals
were the best I could manage at the time.

You could shut your <I+I> , it rather <looks> like <”eye”> did.

Animal Rites
(Pensively penned : 11:04:28 – 16th May 1994)

We were happy
Happy dancing
And the flowers in our hair smelt like the summer should
And the music had a melody before the evening came
And betrothed their scent to incense
Letting*
The tabor take our steps

Cold, cold marble
Sculpted into silence
Sanctified
Paler platter for a smearing and a knowledge
Within hopeful visions
That deter the night
Yet stir the Shades

And we were quiet
Quiet watching
The solemn palms of preparation
Moistly glisten
Dionysus‘ roses drowning for the
Fire
Barley water, a reflex in sharp reflection

And we had altered
Altared faces
And the ashen garlands squealed and spat their colours out
And the lyre called us louder, wilder as its strings were scorched
Like ceremonial sunsets
Return
Before the evening came

——————————————————————————————————–

~ NOTES ADDED OCTOBER 2008 ~

In a move forward from the wonky-mouth (and incorrect dentition) of
Mountain Mouton the Singing Sheep,
this computerised character’s teeth are reasonably-angled.

The intensity of her stare is a little over-cooked, despite her obvious
(odious ? Audius ?) tempered-distress…and she is MUCH too old.
I envisaged a girl <aged between eight and twelve years> and NOT
a grown woman who has borrowed a wig from Andie MacDowell.

I made the base-picture for this speaker’s face using a free tool from
LionHead Studios called StarMaker. The aforementioned handy
utility armed me with a fully-frontally posed portrait ensuring the
easiest and most successful feature-fitting within Reallusion‘s Crazy
Talk 4 lip-synching software. It also provided a non-photo-realistic
cartoony quality to the character that, I think, ironically, makes it seem
less eerily unnatural than the result from an un-edited snapshot would
have been.

I had considered adapting this –>

To ~Not Look So Sad~ She Needs to Raise *UR...CHIN*

StarMaker only allows for the generation of Adults. I would really
like to get access to a tool that lets you make ANIMAL heads so that
you can create characters that don’t get IN THE WAY of their words.

I think the latest version of iClone (3) – which I have not trialled yet
as the Forums suggest it is SERIOUSLY plagued with bugs – has tools for
stretching non-human skulls. However, I believe the bias is for aliens
and the demonic and I would prefer my negativity to not dip lower
than the melancholic.

~ Let HAPPINESS harrass horror ~

——————————————————————————————

More carrot-haired than carrot-nosed (he’s a beardy-weirdy, maudlin
mawpin (not a snowman (or “The Crowman“)) maaaaan), this latter-day
Scatterbrook chatterbox chances chants ‘n’ dances for (dunnocks and)
dunces (‘n’ the fame-framed farmyard fun of it) in
an outdoor ‘omage to Gummidge.

High Quality avi streamed from YouTube :

MY LYRICS SET TO THE TV THEME TUNE
FROM THE SERIES : “WORZEL GUMMIDGE”

There’s a crucified character crowning the cornfield
And his fan base are feathered but they’re not angels
Are these messengers harbingers of a lower yield
Or mere scavengers, all, who love strange smells ?

Here the pong’s in profusion
Sneak that reek in your beak
You might seek out seclusion
It’s a tried technique
When the bouquet is O.K.
Super seeds supercede
The germ of an idea
Look out ! Stand clear !

Original background music (possibly PERFORMED) by Denis King
and (probably PENNED by) George Evans ;  “borrowed”,
to bring JOLLITY to this frivolity, from the
Willis Hall/Keith Waterhouse BBC TV serialisation of
Barbara Euphan Todd‘s popular “Worzel Gummidge” books.

<<Shout goin’ out>>

also to Jon Pertwee for the post crack ‘n’ creak cry.

Sub-standard sub-titles provided for those with
“ears of corn”
&
“feet of clay”.

~ UNFOLDING THE SCAFFOLDING ~

Where we won’t be gilding (the) Lily the Pink…

First shot

This is the <first shot> from my <first shot> with Reallusion‘s
<first shot> at “iClone“ – the 3D character animation package that
marked the Taiwanese software company’s transition from its “It’s Me“
greetings creator to a more open-ended machinima film-making tool.

I have an interest in musical theatre and saw this program as a route
to being able to flesh out (or out-Flash (MX)) some of my
(skinny-Ninny) song scenarios.

I had a brief daliance (yep – ONE go) with Lionhead Studio‘s much
cheaper offering “The Movies” but, although it STILL (2009 (!))
has better clothes and music than iClone, there were a number of
drawbacks that caused me to draw back and withdraw swiftly
to “try my hand” – and this “crucified character“‘s (tied ?) hands
in a dedicated and (newly-deadpan) environment.

There's a crucified

Is the <Palm Pre> pronounced “Palm Preeee” or “Palm Pray“ ?

Palms (if not “palms“) pressed (if not “pressed“), here he has his
<hands held> (if not his handheld) in a position of prayer.

His shabby, ill-fitting (mock-Messiah) attire is dyed green, as
the only form of clothing-customisation achievable at iClone 1‘s
inception.  That a scarecrow is TIEd to wearing an utterly unSUITable
<SUIT and TIE> is indicative of the <(starling-)startling> sparceness
of starting sartorial selection. The ((wholly) (unholy)) whole hole
where the worn worn wear of his jacket show’s he’s “out of pocket“
is a bit of a bug (and a bit of a bugger) but not the [BITE] of a bug.

Thus <moth-eaten> is <math-(myth-bee-be-)beaten>, a tatty
tatterdemalion-bogle to ogle, not best-dressed but not crestfallen.

“StarMaker” (the [FREE] head-designing applet Lionhead Studios
promoted “The Movies” with (choosing to follow the example of the
hugely successful “The Sims 2” by publicising a forthcoming title with
an engaging character-creator rather than a traditional sample of
actual gameplay) was used to make…and apply make up to his face…

There's a crucified character

…which  isn’t a face that he “keeps in a jar by the door“, (a <door> that
may be <ajar> ; or <jammed shut> (with <a jar> of jam)) but rather
the everyday visage of a stranger to shelter, exposed to each element,
a “one off”, wan, oft’-tethered, awl-awed, all-weather(ed)-one ;
hardly human, a hardy homunculus.

And his fan base are

Whenever I read : “fan base” I think : “flan base” and so I was thinking
about the flan BEFORE I mentioned the jam (and didn’t mention
“The Jam” or the fact that Mr. Weller has never covered “Blackberry Way“
<Might he Palm Pre for a BlackBerry…Wa(-he)y ?>
and “go down a “Storm“?).

The move (if not “The Move“) our manikin has made is to out-stretch
his <sketched as : over-stretched> arms echoed (un-Narcissistically)
by the rape-draping shadows (if not by The (string-stinging) Shadows))
welcomingly, embracingly, in an aping of wings (if not “Wings“) that, in
this sunny setting, is not unreminiscent of Melissa Gilbert‘s joyful
pseudo-aeuronautics as Charles Ingalls‘ child at the finalé of the
[End Credits] from the television serialisation of
“Little House on the Prairie” :

This isn’t even a <pilot> episode (so if ya wanna <WAIL> – <”Drop“> it !)
but what a terrific (and super-subtle) EXTRA [End Credit] CREDIT is
discernable in the flighty action transforming Laura Ingalls Wilder
into the wilder, elevated, venerated  Laura Houghtaling Ingalls !

Jazz Hands

Hmm….so now we’ve weaved (sic.) a :

~ <Palm Pre> Prayer-Prayer-er on the PRAIRIE ~

Small wonder he might applaud with Jazz Hands and then…

And his fan base are feathered

…turn tail in imitation of the constituents of his “fan base“, the very
rows of (unrosey) crows he is supposed to scatter (from Scatterbrook).

And his fan base are feathered but(t)

Who knows if his “feathered but(t)” is as “base” as it seems or an ace
placed to counter disgrace…

they're not

…and disgruntlement. Here, standing sentry, gently blocked by gentry,
(THAT “House“ on the hill (not the prairie) is aught but “Little“) his
look looks more <arm-less> than <’armless>, roughly ready for entry in

“Sneer of the Year”…

ANGELS

ANGELS

…which he won’t win with <winning grinning> in the <style of a smile>…

…and while he’s no Robbie Williams …

ARe these

…he can tell his “R“s (and his “feathered but(t)“) from his elbow,
and, indeed, his (or anyone else(Who’s “Elsie” ??)’s) “Elbow“.

harbingers

“R” is for Recoil.

Oh ! The <Hands Up ! Game’s Up !>
[[[   [[[   [[[   HORROR ! ]]]   ]]]   ]]]
of the questionable [cliché]s to come…

of a lower

Ceci n’est pas : Aloha from Hawaii.

or mere

The horrifically questionable [cliché] of the questioning
[cliché] takes us from a shrug (we can’t shrug off) to a…

all who love

…hug we mightn’t want to.

Here the pong's in profusion

We also “mightn’t want to” <wig out> in a wig like this. Only (wiggy) Ziggy Stardust
and Annie Lennox would dare <mull it> over (as a comb-over ?) and
even then they would surely do so gingerly.

However !

Orange coiffures shorn, here they are, a peerless (pear-less) pair united :

~ Umber ‘Umbles Amber’s Ambles ~

Don’t [MOCK THE FROCK], the Aberdonian artiste comprehensively
out-kohls the cock-eyed cosmetics of our bodach-rocais at
1992′s “Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert“.

Sneak that reek in your beak

Has he ginger on his finger ?

This is <<NOT RUDE>> at all ; unless I mention Biggles
(and Ginger Hebbelthwaite’s (men-shunned) unmentionables)…

Sneak that reek in your beak 2

…and that might make some people <<VERY CROSS>> causing them
(whether the cors (or “The Corrs“) sing or [STAY SILENT]) to get their
ganders up – which is entirely unintended and inapporopriate when it is
their peckers, not their ganders, that should be praised for staying raised.

Sneak that reek in your beak 3

Here is a “peck(-)er” -
“keeping his pecker up” by <getting down> not getting (or going) down“.

The feathers from his “feathered but(t)” could be described as “down“
or “eiderdown” (eidervethought (not as an afterthought)) particularly
as he definitely DUCKs down to bend over and show us his “R“s.

You might seek

The return of the questionable [cliché].

Over-used as a posture connoting <someone searching> (I also deployed
a similar <brow-shielding demeanour> for the “Wicked Old  Woman” in
“Knowledge of Porridge“‘s line : “This criminal sort sought“). The stance
and its glance are more than a <salute in a suit> and will be widely recognised,
despite their apparent arbitrariness, with regard to their emphasising the act of :

“looking like yer looking“.

This strange, single-handed, situation seems to have little to do with any
natural or necessary human behaviour [focussed on focus] for – unless
#*~ dazzled ~*# – how does [BLOCKING OUT] the light improve sight ?

A <mightier mime> might be made from mirroring the upper limbs
to create an overall (not an over-awing) oracular oval with the skull,
centred, as the iris, in <an eye of arms>…or if  “tools” and TWO hands could
be (usefully) employed he might <THROW SHAPES> goggling, a-gog,
(if not Gog and Magog) with invisible “”Air Binoculars” or an “Air Telescope”.

The last of these visual aids being <notably nautical> reminds us of the musical
<nautical notes> of the (far and) fair-seeing seafarers who dance the steps of
“The Sailor’s Hornpipe“.

Here are some illustrative clips (tea-clippers, for the most part, clipped out):

Canadian Choreographers Keep CLEAR (not Clear Of) the
Stylised (Sailor-Suit) Salute with Rock-y (not “Rocky“) Riffs

Virtuoso Sebastian Blomfield Shows that Actually,
“The Sailor’s Hornpipe” Can Never Be TOO ROCK-Y

For the Record, this Eclectic Electric, is as TREASUREd
as any (Ship)Wreck’s Hoarde by Vinylseat at YouTube

Capstan “Keep Fit” at the 1987 Royal Tournament

Boaters in Boaters at the Spectacular 1993 Royal Tournament Finalé
(“The Sailor’s Hornpipe” Segment plays from 4:16)

Perhaps it is THAT VERY (in-the-rigging) JIG(ging) that encultured
us to accept the <protracted stylised salute> as an exaggerated signifier
of a folksy, surely-shore-seeking, (cussing (?) Sea King) fo’c'sle focusser…

out seclusion

…a CHANGE of focus interiorises another form of “Naval Gazing”…

It's a tried technique

…where [Shh !] the [Shh !]  “Shay” <shyness of the  [Shh !] shire [Shh !]  shines…

When the bouquet is O.K.

…and yet it is still not rare to [Shh !] share (more than the plough([Shh !]) share).

Supercede

He is neither <sucking his thumb> nor <thumbing his nose>, but I like to
pretend (“Pretentious ? “Moi” ?“) that he may be about to ; this is one of
those moments that you can only catch in [FREEZE FRAME] and
[Shh !] should certainly…

Look out !

“Look out !” for…

Twisted Tatterdemalion

…for foregrounding as a favourite.

I like this <Twisted Tatterdemalion>…

Stand clear !

…more than he likes himself …

Stand clear !

…when things are not RIGHT…

Stand clear !

…and he’s been LEFT…

Stand clear !

“to face the consequences” of  the horrifically questionable [cliché]
of following :

(Worzel Gummidge Opening and Closing Credits (for the COMPLETIST))
Compiled at YouTube by lesather (with instances of Worzel falling both
forwards AND backwards) :

(A conciser clip that still shows MORE than is pert(wee)inent to this Blog Post.
(Archived at YouTube by ScallywagsTV) :

Stand clear !

in someone else’s (she get’s EVERYWHERE !) footsteps !

Tuned-Up Turnip Turned Up

————————————————————————————————————————

On-the-button mutton, off-the-shoulder lamb,
MOUNTAIN MOUTON the SINGING SHEEP
bleats ‘n’ repeats a plaintive plea, unaccompanied,
to the tune used as the theme to 1978′s television
serialisation of the children’s classic “Heidi”.

My Lyrics set to the TV Theme Tune
from the Seventies Serial : “Heidi”.

Just ½ a min-knit 2 tell U
More than you want me to say
Speaking with spirit I’ll $ell Ewe
Gratitude for solitude

Now my departure is coming
Quiet can convey
But I know you’ll soon be humming
As I go away

This was the first face-fitting and animation that I created
with the Version 4 release of Reallusion’s Crazy Talk…….
The updated software introduced the options to add teeth
and a background image. I made my best effort but the
mouth is twisted and I did not attempt to disguise the
supposed singer’s upper dentures – bone-forms that are
alien to the ovine.

Yes Kids, today’s phrase is : “alien to the ovine” !

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2005/11/05/ewe-who-yoo-hoo-a-good-hidin-heidi/feed/ 1 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2005/06/13/knowledge-of-porridge-robert-southeys-pre-goldlilocks-story-of-the-three-bears/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2005/06/13/knowledge-of-porridge-robert-southeys-pre-goldlilocks-story-of-the-three-bears/#comments Mon, 13 Jun 2005 13:30:07 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=43 ]]> To see this in full, at my website, please click : [HERE]. Thank you.

This is the fourth (and final) “film” that I made using Macromedia’s 2002-build of
“Flash MX” (with the animated text created in and imported from “SWiSHMax“).

Scroll
DOWN,
DOWN,
DOWN,
and (do) bear with me, to read/hear
Robert Southey‘s 19th century text.
It IS here !! (er….or there !).

Clicking this [GROOVY GREEN TITLE SCREEN] should (delightfully ?)
transport you to my 3.29MB <loopy ‘n’ loopin‘> original, full (“fun”)-sized
800×600 pixel adaptation :

Knowledge of Porridge - Link to 800x600 Looping Flash

The external Flash variant plays perpetually with none of the handy
controls (pause, stop, rewind, fast forward, ***MUTE*** !) that grace the
“small but perfectly formed” (currently) best quality avi-conversion hosted
at and streaming from the life-(changing server/)preservers at YouTube —>

This multi-scene presentation (my three earlier Flash Greetings are
single-scene projects, that became monstrously unwieldy, particularly
in the case of “Day Of(f) Wra(i)th“) marries nineteenth century Poet
Laureate Robert Southey‘s pre-Goldilocks telling of “The Story of the
Three Bears” to a melody from “Fiddler on the Roof“.

I think the lyrics took a couple of stabs (certainly sounds like it) and a
similar number of hours to prepare whilst the [ANIMATION] (NOT my
thang – I want to <<WRITE rhymes>>  to other people’s music
and only got into  <<caterwauling and colourings>> to try to convey
chronologies, illustrating TIMINGS in ways that FLAT words, plainly
presented on a page, mayn’t be relied upon to clearly carry over)
was a staggering five MONTHs (!!!)  in the making. I think I
s—–t—–r—–e—–t—–c—–h—–e—–d
the static-image-manipulating-by-a-wilful-incompetent possibilities
to the nth and, although there’s much in the result that I DON’T like
(I shudder at how BAD the stormy-stairs scene is), I’m happy with
the magnifying glass and the squirty blood droplets.

Here are some “FLAT words” being governed by a Frames Per
Second Spreadsheet calculating the line breaks and scene swaps
that would work best with the SWiSHMax-generated sub-titles :

KOP Animation Timings Screenshots 001

I am designing (f’nar how high falutin’ does that sound ? What a pompous prig !)
this WordPress blog using a Lenovo ThinkPad with a screen resolution of
1440×900 pixels and a Template by a <’fessional Templater> by name of
“Andreas”. The result looks O.K. at MY chosen dimensions but is somewhat
compromised when seen smaller as the up-themselves text-only
boundaries over-step the mark and crush the centre-stage graphics.

I’d rather THEY shrank than graphics were clipped.

If you are viewing this at 1024×768 (57% of you will be)
or 800×600 (the second largest group)…it seems…

…you either have to strain your eyes or crane your neck or both.

KOP Animation Timings Screenshots 002

Are you still here ? Good Lord ! ……Good for you ; and thank you.

Palming Off Ste(a)rn Bears

Knowledge of Porridge

Picture a sylvan scene
Deceptively serene
Each plant painted pristine
With brambles in between

Their thorny spines incline
The dreamer to divine
That spells entral these dells
So watch where you recline

Nature’s barbed wire
Dampens the desire
To express a trespass
But it can’t prevent

People from peeping
Covetously creeping
Nimbly when the chance is sent

A wicked old woman
Was wand’ring in the woods
And wond’ring to herself
Where she might pilfer goods

With minimal effort
This criminal sort sought
A latch left off the catch
Security at nought

The house was vacant
But its contents fragrant
So the impish vagrant
Very flagrantly

Got the hot pots
Of breakfast that were cooling
Drooling over portions scant

Her great discomfiture
Was that the temp’rature
Of ev’ry serving was
Unnerving to endure
And as she cursed and swore
Her chosen seating tore
So she retired to bed
Since thieving’s such a chore

Meanwhile, returning,
Traipsed a hungry trio
Didn’t want to be so
Peckish past this point

They gave the heave-ho
To the short reprieve
Awarded to their joyful joint

And found that their cottage
Had suffered a rampage
Victims of a pillage
Tailored to enrage

Who might they engage
To answer for an outrage
Hooligans could not upstage ?

Well, inspection is the seed
Of detection it is said
And inflection, if shrill,
May inflict shreds of dread

Witness three bears
A-skipping up the stairs
They’ll soon forget their cares
Their target mumble prayers

To try to silence violence
In the sneaking, shrieking
Squeaking, speaking of

A Little Small Wee Bear
Who’s sad to find his chair
Is now well past repair

Share knowledge
of por
ridge

———————————————————————————-

The Story of the Three Bears
by
Robert Southey
((Glorious 12th August 1774 – 21st March 1843)

———————————————————————————–

Read here by me and posted to my AuralAurora Channel.

ONCE upon a time there were three Bears, who lived together in a house of their own in a wood. One of them was a Little, Small, Wee Bear; and one was a Middle-sized Bear, and the other was a Great, Huge Bear. They had each a pot for their porridge, a little pot for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized pot for the Middle Bear; and a great pot for the Great, Huge Bear. And they had each a chair to sit in: a little chair for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized chair for the Middle Bear; and a great chair forthe Great, Huge Bear. And they had each a bed to sleep in: a little bed for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized bed for the Middle Bear; and a great bed for the Great, Huge Bear.

One day, after they had made the porridge for their breakfast and poured it into their porridge pots, they walked out into the wood while the porridge was cooling, that they might not burn their mouths by beginning too soon to eat it. And while they were walking a little old woman came to the house. She could not have been a good, honest, old woman; for, first, she looked in at the window, and then she peeped in at the keyhole, and, seeing nobody in the house, she lifted the latch. The door was not fastened, because the bears were good bears, who did nobody any harm, and never suspected that anybody would harm them. So the little old woman opened the door and went in; and well pleased she was when she saw the porridge on the table. If she had been a good little old woman she would have waited till the bears came home, and then, perhaps, they would have asked her to breakfast, for they were good bears – a little rough or so, as the manner of bears is, but for all that very good-natured and hospitable. But she was an impudent, bad old woman, and set about helping herself.

So first she tasted the porridge of the Great Huge Bear, and that was too hot for her; and she said a bad word about that. And then she tasted the porridge of the Middle Bear, and that was too cold for her; and she said a bad word about that, too. And then she went to the porridge of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, and tasted that, and that was neither too hot nor too cold, but just right; and she liked it so well that she ate it all up; but the naughty old woman said a bad word about the little porridge pot, because it did not hold enough for her.

Then the little old woman sat down in the chair of the Great, Huge Bear, and that was too hard for her. And then she sat down in the chair of the Middle Bear, and that was too soft for her. And then she sat down in the chair of the Little Small, Wee Bear, and that was neither too hard nor too soft, but just right. So she seated herself in it, and there she sat till the bottom of the chair came out, and down came she, plump upon the ground. And the naughty old woman said wicked words about that, too.

Then the little old woman went upstairs into the bedchamber in which the three Bears slept. And first she lay down upon the bed of the Great, Huge Bear, but that was too high at the head for her. And next she lay down upon the bed of the Middle Bear, and that was too high at the foot for her. And then she lay down upon the bed of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, and that was neither too high at the head nor at the foot, but just right. So she covered herself up comfortably, and lay there till she fell asleep. By this time the three Bears thought their porridge would be cool enough, so they came home to breakfast. Now the little old woman had left the spoon of the Great, Huge Bear standing in his porridge.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN AT MY PORRIDGE!”

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great gruff voice. And when the Middle Bear looked at his, he saw that the spoon was standing in it, too. They were wooden spoons; if they had been silver ones the naughty old woman would have put them in her pocket.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN AT MY PORRIDGE!”

said the middle Bear, in his middle voice.

Then the Little, Small, Wee Bear looked at his, and there was the spoon in the porridge pot, but the porridge was all gone.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN AT MY PORRIDGE, AND HAS EATEN IT ALL UP!”

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.

Upon this the three Bears, seeing that some one had entered their house and eaten up the Little, Small, Wee Bear’s breakfast, began to look about them. Now the little old woman had not put the hard cushion straight when she rose from the chair of the Great, Huge Bear.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!”

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great, rough, gruff voice.

And the little old woman had squatted down the soft cushion of the Middle Bear.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!”

said the Middle Bear, in his middle voice.

And you know what the little old woman had done to the third chair.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR, AND HAS SAT THE BOTTOM OUT OF IT!”

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.

Then the three bears thought it necessary that they should make further search; so they went upstairs into their bedchamber. Now the little old woman had pulled the pillow of the Great, Huge Bear out of its place.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN LYING IN MY BED!”

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great, rough, gruff voice.

And the little old woman had pulled the bolster of the Middle Bear out of its place.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN LYING IN MY BED!”

said the Middle Bear, in his middle voice.

And when the Little, Small, Wee Bear came to look at his bed, there was the bolster in its place, and upon the pillow was the little old woman’s ugly, dirty head-which was not in its place, for she had no business there.

“SOMEBODY HAS BEEN LYING IN MY BED-AND HERE SHE IS!”

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.

The little old woman had heard in her sleep the great, rough, gruff voice of the Great, Huge Bear, but she was so fast asleep that it was no more to her than the moaning of wind or the rumbling of thunder. And she had heard the middle voice of the Middle Bear, but it was only as if she had heard some one speaking in a dream. But when she heard the little, small, wee voice of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, it was so sharp and so shrill that it awakened her at once. Up she started, and when she saw the three bears on one side of the bed she tumbled herself out at the other and ran to the window. Now the window was open, because the Bears, like good, tidy bears as they were, always opened their bedchamber window when they got up in the morning. Out the little old woman jumped, and whether she broke her neck in the fall or ran into the wood and was lost there, or found her way out of the wood and was taken up by the constable and sent to the House of Correction for a vagrant as she was, I cannot tell. But the three Bears never saw anything more of her.

———————————————————————————————-

~ FINDING MY BEARINGS ~

More “pick-the-locks” than GOLDILOCKS, the 19th Century Poet Laureate’s
version of “THE STORY OF THE THREE BEARS” solicits small sympathy for
its lairy, sweary, opportunistic octagenarian breaker and enterer…

Knowledge of Porridge Title Screen

<Cappin’ it all> as more <Cap‘in Oats> than <Cap‘in Oates>, this “capital
fellow”, (clearly NOT <cap in ‘and> OR <’andicapped>, given that in
Flash MX he’s taken to flashing (stolen ?) <bling as his “thing“>) is
*”dandy-capped”* in a hat that’s “all that“ ;  he  feels no guilt about the
gilt of  locks busted to gain Gold(y) lockets….if not (yet) Goldilocks.

With neither baubles nor “Bubbles” for Chumps OR Chimps, Southey’s
“C”‘s NOT the South(y) Seas but, instead, at head, the initial of the windy
city, a sign of support for the Chicago Bears.

In Awe of the Forest Floor and the Forest's Flaw

Our first view is of the leafy forest floor, its flaw is that the colours, if
not evergreen, are MOSTLY green…..moistly green…too green, really,
to be beneath our feet…

Bear-Foot in the Park without George or a Big-Foot (Yet...eee !)

…and soft enough to cushion bare feet or – indeed – bear feet as we
pause to observe that these imprints aren’t the (On Your) marks of
human sprints ; No no. THESE paws bear CLAWS – a name for “Nails”…

Picture a Sylvan Scene

…and “nails” would, doubtlessly, be required to afix to a wall, the
woodland “Picture“, once framed, and labelled, as above.

Mist cleared, the “Sylvan Scene” is seen….sylvanly ; from the FRONT.

Deceptively serene

I don’t know if it is the “Western Front” or the “Eastern Front” but a dove
bearing (and perhaps as good at not losing its bearings as its carrier
pigeon cousin) an olive branch indicates : “war is over”…

…(or war is more <over-seas> than <over-seen>, like Overlord,
“I wish it were over,” Lord).

May 24, 1942 Screenshot of Atari 8-Bit Strategy Game : "Eastern Front". "Total War" without the BSOD.

“Game Over”

A fine weather screenshot,  much of the conflict takes place in
icy conditions, (nabbed from the ever-informative Wikipedia)
of the 1980s Atari 8-bit “Eastern Front”. This proggie was a
toughie and pre-dated the “Total War” franchise by years…

…it also loaded and ran – its soldiers falling victim to the atrocious
attrition and <blue LIMBS of death> caused by the cold rather
than the dismal <BLUE SCREENS OF DEATH> that are all
March 2009′s “Empire : Total War” has delivered to my PC.

Each plant painted pristine

In a May where one needn’t dismay (and the graphics display), “Each
plant painted pristine,” is a far-more-welcome Bluebell…

Their thorny spines incline

…er…unless it is a brambell – er, I mean a “bramble“…and scramble to…

So watch where you recline

…ramble on and insist that you look at this roller’s wrist for the “watch“
(it’s a roller’s not a Rolex) in “So watch where you recline !“

To express a trespass

With sponges and spongers at large, that Rolex had
better be water-proof AND insured against deft theft.

The bramble, with a hole in its leaf looking like the eye of a
pecking bird, is a vicious version of the “dove from above” ;
a sort of courageous (non-oxymoronic) chicken…

People from creeping

This back-packer’s hand gesture is therefore not a rabbit (or a satanic)
shadow puppet shape – but a secret sign, divine – that of the Zen Hen.

A wicked old woman

From amongst the blooming bluebells emerges a grand dame, so
senior she may have been (laid) in the “Bluebell” line-up or laid the
Bluebell Line. Blue-rinsed(hence the hair-hiding headscarf), now
she’s more likely to end up in a “line-up” – not least for the crimes of
her un- re ad, blue lines.

With minimal effort

<Can’t see the trees for the wood>…and who say’s
this woman’s offence is to be a “fence” ?

This criminal sort sought

Not waving OR drowning, “This criminal sort” seems somewhat short
of being a “sort” and not as thick as two (or even seven (odd)) short planks.

A latch left off the catch

Look ! There’s a LOCK ! There’s WOOD ! There’s a “Wicked Old Woman“.
If she was “The Wicked Lady” she’d be Margaret Lockwood !!

The house was vacant

…but if she only had to look(-) in and <sniff the whiff>…

But its contents fragrant

…to identify the ((non-sauce) source (of))) the cookin’ smell, she’d
be Marguerite (not General) Patten. A “Grr !” Girl in the Guerre.

Of breakfast that were cooling

Despite the seeming “evidence” in the precedence of this platter-spattered
beau table-top tableau, <General Patton> did not issue a <general patent>
for the production of  Purple Heart-patterned breakfast bowls fashioned
from up-turned military millinery (- that’s “heroes’ helmets” to you !).

Spoons as Notes

This <”little liar“> makes a <little “lyre“> out of “Little, Small, Wee Bear”‘s
“Little, Small, Wee…” chair – YEAH. She strikes the slats of the seat, like
strings, and flung, unstrung (if not unsung), from the pile of purple pots,
the fire-coloured cutlery spins as spoons then turns to tunes, magically,
musically,  Terpsichoreanly disposed to be transposed and transformed.

Notes as "d"s

The porridge-pilfering pugilist packs a punch, (if not her lunch) and,
(semi)-crotchetily, thumps the stumps of former spoons (“)to tease
(and a coffee, please)(“)  from dese “d“s that could be “d“s…

Notes as "b"s (if nor B.S.)

…three “b”s…

Her great discomfiture

…as “freebies” from “free” bears.

Was that the temp'rature

If General Patton had a baton it would be this thermometer conveyin’
‘n’ conductin’ (before being <sucked in>) the tempo and the
“temp‘rature. Sometimes the “hottest“/”coolest” music’s…

Of ev'ry serving was

…made from the bluest notes…

Unnerving to endure

…and may be a little, small, wee bit  hard to swallow, unless you are
as hardened as our favourite <fork>ed-tongued <spoon>-spinner
criminally crunching her way to a mouthful of Mercury. (Any one
who cracks a crass joke about the lead singer of “Queen“, at this
juncture, risks being sent to “see a senior member of staff,”.

~ A FATE WORSE THAN COVENS OR COVENTRY ~

NB

Freddie Mercury was NOT in (or banned from) the band “Poison“.).

And as she cursed and swore

A lip-reader might, in truth, be a tooth-reader. Lippily, Madam bites
………her bottom….lip with muchos Ffffffffforce and Fffffffffortitude,
gracious, vivacious and “effin’” efficacious wiv <The F-Word>.

And as she cursed and swore 2

From profanity (pro-fanny tea ?) to inanity. Having stuck her neck out
breaking into the three bears’ tree-house cabin, the “wicked old woman“
now sticks her tongue out – a wordless insult/form of rejection theorised
to have its origins in babies repulsing the breast once satiated.

Peckish past this point

Hoping, themselves,  to be satiated soon, the ursine pass a sign.

Hunger as “Peckish“ness MANifests itself as the face of Gregory Peck
carved on the club (not the cub) of the Great, Huge Gregory
Peck-Faced Club-Carrying “Great, Huge Bear“.

Awarded to their joyful joint

“Awarded to their joyful joint“.  This is not a re(e)ference
to pot, although the bears ARE heading home for “pots“…

Had suffered a rampage

…and a SHOCK !!!!

The shock of an aftershock and a house
that has taken a trip even if they haven‘…

…and is it a heavenly haven any more ?

Hooligans could not upstage

Paws pause to get to grips (that’s 2 grips) (not Super Poligrip(s)) with trips.

Of detection it is said

This is my favourite sequence from “Knowledge of Porridge”, a pine cone
is revealed and magnified as : “Inspection is the seed Of detection,“…

A-climbing up the stairs

…and this is the nadir, it’s bad ‘ere, ya hear, m’dear ?!

To try to silence

Will this harridan harass and make it “curtains” (for certain) for the
(“Great, Huge”) hairy hollerer – or will ‘e
follow ‘er,
collar ‘er ‘
‘n’
swallow ‘er ?

To try to silence 2

“Er” indeed….and <’er indoor>s….an’ ‘im indoors ‘n’ all ;
with jaws ‘n’ claws ‘n’ cause to maul.

SHE raises a “finger of complaint” to point out abberation
(and commit one), poking and popping a pupil painfully
NOT playful(or fair)ly.

Squeaking

Her “lips are sealed”.

Don’t be rude. I thought THAT too.

Yesterday (18th Septic Member 2009, yes these “NEAT NOTES” are
(years-)afterthoughts), I saw a van sign-written for the company :
“T. Watts”.

Squeaking, speaking of

Oh DOOOOOOOO pipe down ! My preferred pre-furred individual image.
Captain Caption = “Palming Off Ste(a)rn Bears“.

Kind o’ corny….we’ll be “playing FTSE” next…

A Little, Small, Wee Bear

…or putting our taddy ickle footsies where they done shouldn’t be !
As merely : “A Little, Small, Wee Bear“, this diminutive chap can
only BE “four feet on the table” if he HAS “four feet on the table”.

A Little, Small, Wee Bear

Can we emphasise enough how TEENY WEENY…. ooops ! How

<TEENY WEENY>

he is ?

Was sad to find his chair

The value of “Little Small, Wee Bear“‘s chairs has plummeted like
that of the stern Bear Stearns shares he was playing FTSE footsie with.

He’s like a “fish out of water” or a Koala in Guatemala.

Now what will he leave his heirs and (dis)(gruntled) graces ?

of porridge !

“Knowledge of Porridge !” perhaps. Let’s hope it is knowledge of its
“ace return” and not of its loss. It is indicated in this final image as
abundant, sweetened, milky oats in the bi-partite dome of a brain.

—————————————————
PRODUCTION PERIOD MAIN MEMORIES :
German Match Fixing, Death of Pope,
Marriage of Charles and Camilla,
Abandonment of Warehouse,
Peculiar Emergence of Cousin.

~

A melody from medieval Germany, “Quem Pastores” is a pretty
and popular, (deservédly) pretty popular Christmas tune.

In earnest, (vain ?), the Year 2000 and my deadroom,
I wrote some partnering English hymn lyrics
which this witch(/bold old scold ?) (?)
seems to have got hold of :

MY ENGLISH HYMN LYRICS
SET TO : “QUEM PASTORES”

Why wait you on Earthly assurance
When through the ages the sages looked hence ?
Thence the shining sacrament
Ascent contenting, assuaging lament

Lowly visage face holy mirage
Open your heart for the Lord is at large
Charge your soul its mortal toll
Enrôle in sympathy transience stole

—————————————–

The visuals were created with Crazy Talk 3.5 (in 2004) which
is  why the animated output is square and the slit (tooth-less)
mouth slot is not mapped to the exact contours of the
character’s lips.

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/08/24/quem-pastores-alternative-hymn-lyrics/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/07/12/mundane-mourning-with-the-dhoop-dope-an-animated-anti-poetry-poem/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/07/12/mundane-mourning-with-the-dhoop-dope-an-animated-anti-poetry-poem/#comments Mon, 12 Jul 2004 16:20:52 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=37 ]]> To see this in full, at my website, pleae click : [THIS]. Thank you.

This is the third Flash MX animation that I made ; created in 2004, as
an adaptation of some scribblings dating from 2pm on April 16th 1998.

The original 800×600 pixels, 995k
<FULL ‘n’ “FUN”-Sized Loopily-Loopin’ Flash> is accessible,
externally, via the text and picture links immediately below :

Mundane Mo(u)rning with the Dhoop Dope
(An Animated Anti-Poetry Poem)

Mundane Mo(u)rning with the Dope Dhoop (Link to FLASH)

Unlike the avi screen-capture that I used as a source for the embedded
High Quality YouTube stream, the Flash original is not marred by the
inability to completely cope with and correctly render animated
gifs that have black backgrounds.

Nevertheless, the YouTube version makes viewing (and listening)
more plausible (as its playback’s welcomely pauseable).. I will
detail the <missing graphic> and explain the (bad) joke (it blanks
out blinks making “forty winks”  faulty winks) in the breakdown.

The Words – Penned April 16th 1998 (A Thursday)

Ev’ry single Monday morning
I can’t hide my weary yawning
Poetry is really boring
Most of it just has me snoring

The trouble is that Teacher thinks
Well, Teacher SAYS that “forty winks”
Is “…not appropriate behaviour for [her] classroom
and [I] should learn to control my baser instinc’s,”
But that’s O.K.-  ’cause Teacher STINKS !

———————————————————————————

~ THE <CHALK & TALK> BREAKDOWN ~

EV'RY single

This is the same image of a blackboard as that which
appeared in my second Flash MX-created eGreeting .

It isn’t black (I can reveal, like teal), it is green (which may give grounds
for you supposing it to be potentially “environmentally friendly” – even in
environs as mentally UNfriendly as those common to (too common) schools.

A throw-back to dazed days of  “Chalk and Talk”, it would not have to be
<plugged in> (by/…) the (not necessarily that “up-front”) one (,) up front (,)
who, invariably, could probably do with being a tadge more <switched on>.

It is not the only board to feature in this (not-a-Feature-) “film” – the second is
the teacher (known herein as “Teacher“)’s mortarboard, the third is the bored
of the too oft’-ignored, petulant pupil, the couplet-ing complainer.

In the still above (if it’s “still above” and you haven’t done an Oedipus to yourself),
you can see most of the abbreviated word “EV’RY” (short for “EVERY”) written
by an invisible hand with a (risible ?) visible stalk of chalk, rested as the stalk of “Y”.

Hmm….. I like the construction : “…rested as the stalk of Y,“.

For the <record>, the hollow black circle is (not the void left where the contrite,
“complex“, Colonus colonist grimly gouged both his cornea and its cut-out
container but) a single of the (eye-popping-out-erly) poptastic seven inch
vinyl variety. Not a picture disc but a picture of a disc, it forms a rebus…

…if not “¡Arriba!“s…

…unless it is Pat Boone‘s sixties SINGLE : Streamed by Last.FM

"Just a little scratch"

The “needle” on the record (audibly) provides “just a little <scratch>”.
Is it academic that this hyper(text)dermic could end the endemic epidemic
that <<don’t delight us>> as :  << SCHOOLITIS >> ?

Monday morning

The unHappy Mondays are sequentially rung round in red (these are
not tainted, sainted latter (what’s the matter ?) day Red Letter Day
Red Rings of Death but the read wrings of Mundane Brain Death).

I c'

For the “I c‘” sound in “I can’t hide…” : a black and white snapshot of
Mr. David Icke.

can't

For the “can’t” sound in “I can’t hide…” : a monochrome Mr. Immanuel Kant.

I could’ve used solely “I. Kant” and excised David.

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t need to.

To ask viewers to truncate “Immanuel” to “I”, within a second, supposing
that they had recognised the philosopher’s portrait in the first place, is
unrealistic of me.

Fancy.

The cant of this “Kant“, like the Cant of “Brian Cant canters to Canterbury“,
relies on a (typically northern) short-form pronunciation of “can’t” that
is at odds  with the southern standard English “caRn’t” evident in the audio.

hide

For the “hide” sound in “I can’t hide…” : Mr.Hyde, unbidden,  becomes
unhidden – he appears and appears (with ape ears ?) to be more of a
Simian Simeon style of shape-shifter than the reptilian rapscallions
David dislIc(k)es.

This Edward Hyde is the character as played by Fredric March in the
1931 film adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson‘s short story, “The
Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde“, a tale that could have been
entirely inspired by the phrase : “demon drink” and that can be
obtained from Project Gutenberg here.

POETRY

Not (breaking (with tradition) (or))  the fourth wall or (painting) the
Forth Bridge, this is the 4th board, a board rubber to wipe the slate
clean (and the smiles from our faces).

really

From the “o” in “Poetry“, an “o” that owes more to odes than we
(wee) mere minnows, the record retreats and the world is whirled.

boring

This rebus for “boring” shows a hairy hog, pig-headed enough
to have not turned down the volume of his <boar ringtone>.

Such boorishness may be precisely the sort of omission
deemed as “not appropriate” in a “classroom”‘s
mental environ.

ZZZ

These (Well Re(a)d) Dancing Zeds represent the “Zzz” that is the
best-known textual signifier of  a snore. The trios’  flighty feet are
positioned  at the foot of a wooden staircase with a cut-out map
of the English county of Bedfordshire at the top of that elevation.

This is a (hop, skip, jump and a) nod to the phrase :

“Up the wooden stairs to Bedfordshire,”

There is a Mortarboard resting on its capital while it can
(aren’t we all ?)

Teacher thinks

This is a simple “Thought Bubble” made from a dingbat (and by one)
(Hey ! <Stop me and buy one !>) with the extrusion function of
Xara 3D.

Emanating (who is Emma Nate ?) from the now-landed (it wishes)
Mortarboard it makes that Mortarboard a sort o’ thought er board
and illustrates “Teacher thinks”.

Teacher SAYS

Made identically to partner the “Thought Bubble”, this is a “Speech Bubble”
emphasising “Teacher SAYS”. In the fully-functional Flash version, the black
area is soon populated by multiple over-lapping instances of the following
animated gif arriving at a total of

“forty winks” these on-the-blink blinks are blanks as unfortunate
“faulty winks” in the adapted avi screen capture streamed from YouTube.

Rumour has it, the Mortarboard finds its rightful home(-roomer) :

"...is not appropriate behaviour for her classroom..."

Here we introduce “Teacher” (the teacher) (not “Captain, My Captain”).

This (buttoned-up) model (is she moonlighting for a cardigan catalogue ?)
is obviously a gift item that is intended to $£ll and, as such, the (mouldy ?)
moulding’s holdings are an apple (the folkloric receipt of a  favoured
instructor) and a bell ; she has no cane to restrain those who would rebel.

Joss Sticks

Buxom and bespectacled, she sticks, instead, to joss sticks

Joss Sticks 2

and may use incense to insense….which has GOTTA be stinky…

A OK

…yet nothing to be sneezed at if she gets you an “A”
and proves all’s “A O.K.” …and so : “Hooray !”

————————————————————————————————

How to be *Very Unpopular* at YouTube…:

…make minority interest vid’s (with indecipherable titles) and then twist them back upon themselves a la :

You can also make your websites super-shoddy
by being a Div about Div Tags

PRODUCTION PERIOD MAIN MEMORY
Greece’s shock victory in Euro 2004.

MIGHT’VE MADE ITS
Arabella Weir and Edgar Allen Poe.

~

Below is my second effort with Crazy Talk 3.5 showing my first use of
<<animated eyes>> (if not “Aye”s…<just yet> or <yet just>) and the benefits
of selecting a character so agéd that his toothlessness is not disturbing.

<AYE !>

…The tuneless tones are the strained strangulations of my untutored,
undoctored “Talk Like a Pirate“, do-it-all-in-one-taped-take-and-a-
single-breath, yokel-vocals.

<AYE !>

…It’s appalling
caterwauling…
mauling
yer fave
incidental instrumental.

<AYE !>

…A mauled cat wailing’d sound better. Better get a kit…

…..so !

<Be warned !>

Cover yer ears (and yer rears), <dispute with [MUTE] >and
muchly muchly sweetererly la-la lally along yerselves…:

AISLE EVIL
My Lyrics Set to “Eye Level”
Original Melody by Jack Trombey
Popularised by The Simon Park Orchestra
Used as the theme tune to seventies
detective serial : “Van der Valk“.

Well now for years both your ears
Have been teeming with tears
Their briney brimmings are telling tales
Taking their toll on the shape of your soul
Your rôle’s to seek not salvage grails

You won’t find any kind of solace in a mind
That is blind to beatitude
Don’t build Malice a palace
Just because you’re too proud to place platitude

Languishing ! Anguishing !
Malingering is King
And Agony’s Emperor
Walled-up with wailing
You wallow in sorrow
You’re a simpering whimperer !

Make a truce with the truth
Unhinge the yoke of youth
It is time to face your disgrace
Once you own you’re alone
You can begin to atone
For what made you MOAN

Don’t waste MORE time feeling sorry
Instead just pray that your quarry
Swiftly succumbs
and becomes chums
with cheerfulness
A sweetening sacrifice

All advice has its price
So open up your heart (and purse)
Pause to reflect and genuflect
No longer nurse
Crass cause to CURSE !

_____________________________________________________________________________

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/01/12/aisle-evil-pep-talk-like-a-pirate-lyrics-set-to-the-theme-from-van-der-valk/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/01/05/bitter-mans-vitamins-an-animated-talking-sloth-poem-about-health-and-fitness/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/01/05/bitter-mans-vitamins-an-animated-talking-sloth-poem-about-health-and-fitness/#comments Mon, 05 Jan 2004 15:03:11 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=53 ]]> To see this in full, at my website, please click : [HERE]. Thank you.

At the close of 2003, I discovered Reallusion and their hugely appealing
Crazy Talk lip-synch animation software. Despite the facts that the faces
you could employ to adapt, at that time, had to be contained within fairly
small, low resolution images with output biased towards closed-format,
SQUARE, web-based and executable e.mail greetings rather than the much
more versatile DV-quality film that was introduced  for the vastly superior
V4 release, I was immediately captivated by the program’s potential.

These two films show the result of my earliest attempt. Crazy Talk 3.5
was yet to include teeth and the hardest aspect of production was selecting
a character that wouldn’t seem overly disfigured by the imposition of a
crudely slit mouth.

The first example shows the entirely unmodified result, the second has
improved audio and the benefit of bold sub-titles…the latter is, therefore,
“the one to watch“.

ORIGINAL CRAZY TALK 3.5-CREATED SQUARE ANIMATION :

REVISED VERSION WITH ADDED SUB-TITLES :

Bitter Man’s Vitamins

(This free verse was completed as an extension to the first three lines
which were a spontaneous remark which I made whilst playing
with my puppy. The opening comment was re-contextualised to
discuss athleticism in the fully sportingly-competitive environment of
the Olympic Games. There are references to Ambrosia Creamed Rice
and Bisto Gravy that’ll prolly be lost on an international audience – like
the one what this is DONE *bound* to attract).

He’s fit as a fiddle
He’s fit as a flea
He’s 85,000 times fitter than me
He knows every muscle
Each vein and corpuscle
Is pulling TOGETHER
To gather the prize :
A shiny medallion
That dazzles the eyes
This sleek, swarthy stallion
Will bare recognise
From his podium-placing
The pain I am facing
Debasing !
I’m chasing not catching my breath

Have I bungs in my lungs
And a float in my throat
That is guttingly cutting my chance to devote
My days to a diet of damsons and dates
And pippified pomegranates plastered on plates ?

You ARE what you eat
And you reap what you sow
Be it gluten or wheat
It is sentenced to show
You should shake OFF the sugar
With vim and with vigour
Assault Added Salt
Make the regime de rigeur

Just consume shoots and fruits
(To SQUEEEEEEEZE into tracksuits)
And the juice
Only Zeus
May Bisto(w)

Aah,

Ambrosia makes posier
the beautiful bod’s of Olympian Gods

Athletic
Aesthetic
Pneumatic
Dramatic

Asthmatic ?
[SNIFFITY SNOFFITY SNIFF]
Only REALLY rarely

They’ve such figures because they are SWIGGERS !

]]> http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2004/01/05/bitter-mans-vitamins-an-animated-talking-sloth-poem-about-health-and-fitness/feed/ 0 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2003/12/06/mozart-mondegreen/ http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/2003/12/06/mozart-mondegreen/#comments Sat, 06 Dec 2003 20:54:45 +0000 neatretreat http://neatretreat.wordpress.com/?p=10 ]]> To see this in full, at my website, please click : [THIS]. Thank you.

Loopy ‘n’  looping in FULL (800×600) “Fun-Sized” Flash,
this presentation is hosted, in the original, externally, at :

Day(-) Of(f) Wra(i)th – Mozart with the Most (‘)art

Day Of(f) Wra(i)th - Mozart with the Mo(i)st (')Art

Alternatively, it can be streamed, in smaller dimensions and with one
element (a decibel detector) peculiarly blacked-out, via YouTube —>

High Quality Encoding of an avi –>

The best encoding 2006′s YouTube could apply to a wmv variant
(kept so that we can see how things used to be…er when we couldn’t see !)
——>

It is September 2009 and I am adding a “Breakdown” to this post,
the newly composed “Commentary” is to follow the bleating (and
not-worth-repeating) “Little Pats on the Head” paragraphs that
were the “Day Of(f) Wra(i)th” eGreeting’s heralds when I
began this <LESS MESS> “NeatRetreat” WordPress blog
in October 2008.

The animation was made in late 2003, “haste” and the dining-room.

~ Little Pats on the Head ~

Much in the manner (if not “Much in the manner” of the Manor of Much
Wenlock and not tying the knot “Much in the manner” of the manner of
wedlock in the Manor of Much Wenlock – perhaps there’s a deadlock,
though THAT’d be hemlock) that the first “poem” I sent to abctales.com was
“Cherry Picked“ - with subsequent scribblings all unhonoured – startlingly, 
My First Flash got a nod from the B3ta Newsletter which helped give me the
energy to quickly complete : my second attempt… in a(n) (many many
seconds) effort to catch Christmas….but Try (as I might ((as a (trite) mite)
try) Two (Remember (December)) fell flat.

A noob with the Macromedia multimedia program – I created the entire
presentation within a SINGLE scene – a terrible technique causing EVERY
element to be chaotically stacked with all editing re(choir ?)quiring a FULL
(playful ? play the fool ?) play-through. It took me a complete weekend just
to do the sequence with the spinning crystals and when I reached my
sELF-IMPosed deadline of St. Nicholas’ Day I skimped a tadge on the
quantity of envelopes that I would have preferred to have included.

I was purty amazed to have “lucked out” noticing passable English phrases,
within the Latin  (annunciation ?) enunciation for the WHOLE, holy song.
The alterations brought themselves particularly to the fore in this specific
recording of Mozart‘s music and Thomas of Celæno’s words.

I think my distortions are nothing short of a

~ LYRICAL MIRACLE ~

the mutually tickled, however, are in a minority.

Nevertheless, I shall continue with a

~ MOZART MONDEGREEN BREAKDOWN ~

You can view the lengthy (19+ tercet)  “Dies Irae” poem at Wikipedia.
Mozart only musicalised a small section of the beginning of that text,
six lines, in fact ;  chopped up and rammed  home REPEATEDLY in
this arrangement —>

Dies iræ, dies illa
solvet sæclum in favilla
teste David cum Sibylla

Quantus tremor est futurus
quando judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus !

Dies iræ, dies illa
solvet sæclum in favilla
teste David cum Sibylla

Quantus tremor est futurus
quando judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus !

Quantus tremor est futurus
Dies irae, dies illa
Quantus tremor est futurus
Dies irae, dies illa

Quantus tremor est futurus
Quantus tremor est futurus
quando judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus !

cuncta stricte
cuncta stricte
stricte discussurus !

cuncta stricte
cuncta stricte
stricte discussurus !

I did not have access to this Latin when I created the following derangement
which was arrived at (im)purely by ear (in the style of a wishful-thinking
Columbus imposing the domineering WILL of his tongue on “the natives”).

A visual adaptation of the original text could NEVER have resulted
in the wild deviations of these Anglicised and empurpled :

~ MIS-HEARD LYRICS ~

Dies iræ, dies illa
Deepest Feeling – Sleepless fever
solvet sæclum in favilla
Solid silver – Live for fear
teste David cum Sibylla
Crystal diet holds him near

Quantus tremor est futurus
Haunt us ghost of Taurus
quando judex est venturus
Hearken holy chorus
cuncta stricte discussurus !
Knower’s Arc will speak to – Discuss all this

Dies iræ, dies illa
Deepest Feeling – Sleepless fever
solvet sæclum in favilla
Solid silver – Live for fear
teste David cum Sibylla
Krystle diet holds him near

Quantus tremor est futurus
Haunters’ dreadful, wrestful taunts
quando judex est venturus
Are not uselessness – They’ve torn us
cuncta stricte discussurus !
Cold heart’s Queen will dismal scorn us

Quantus tremor est futurus
Hark ! The twirling al-aways will adorn us
Dies irae, dies illa
Dizzy Dizzy
Quantus tremor est futurus
Hark ! The threat more or less will have taught us
Dies irae, dies illa
Dizzy Desire

Quantus tremor est futurus
Hark ! The threatened al-aways will talk
Quantus tremor est futurus
Not to save the least of the fawners
quando judex est venturus
Allelujah sends victorious
cuncta stricte discussurus !
All lost sentience to saunas

cuncta stricte
God is “‘nit”ing
cuncta stricte
Gorgeous nickers
stricte discussurus !
Send your Christmas orders

cuncta stricte
God is “R.I.P.”(p)ing
cuncta stricte
Gorgeous knickers
stricte discussurus !
Send your Christmas orders

~ NO NONSENSE ENGLISH TRANSLATION ~

I have found a number of online English translations of the portion of
“Dies Irae” that Mozart chose. None of these is as direct and clinical
as I had expected. The sacred script is a POEM – and is treated as
such with the nuance and ambiguity of ART taking precedence
over  the precision of exactitude . There is a LOT of variation
between suggestions and no small deviation where scholars have
taken pleasure in embellishing or slanting the meaning adding
their own personalities, artistry and rules of rhythm and rhyme.

Franklin Johnson’s nineteenth century discussion of this craft is
available to download or read online via this link to archive.org –>

The Dies Irae – An English Version in Double Rhymes with an Essay and Notes

Having looked up all the words and phrases in William Whitaker’s online
WORDS – Latin-to-English & English-to-Latin Dictionary
I felt a little at a loss as to the PROPER definitions of, particularly,
“sæclum” and “discussurus”.

“sæclum” appears to mean “everyone” – it is linked to “age”, “generation”,
“breed”, “race”, “present time/age/century”, “people born at a time” – and
yet most translations interpret this as the less personal “world” – as if
it is the PLANET that is to be emphasised as being incinerated rather than
the globe’s population bearing the brunt of incendiary red-hot wrath.
(That’s not <Tim with a temperature>…)

The Latin for “world” is NOT ““sæclum”" ; it is, chiefly, “mondus”.

“discussurus“,  in its form meaning “plead case“,  probably gives us our
modern  English “discussion“. I never realised that there was a defensive
and judicial twang to this commonly lightly-applied term nor that it implied
a high level of vigor (if not outright violence). It is formed from “di” meaning
“apart” and “quartere” meaning “shake”. Thus to discuss is to “shake apart” (and
if we discuss “discuss” enough we will discuss it (and discuss it) (“Disgusting !” ?
…There’s no disguising it.)).

This “shaking apart” could be as powerful as a “blowing up” – and most fitting
for the end-of-the-world <caught in court> scenario that is the subject
matter of the eerie “Dies Irae”. The online Latin-to-English Dictionary
weighs in favour of the destructive and annihilative -  grouping :
“strike down”, “shatter”, “dissipate” and “bring to naught” without
mentioning the scales or measures that refine many a-honing.

If it’s a puzzle, you might “solvet“. For balance within a sentence,
“solvet” taken as “scatter” rather than “loosen”, “release”, “unbind”,
“untie”, “free”, “pay off” or “pay back” matches (Bah-boom !) the
“(glowing) ashes” of a “favilla” that could alternatively be
(undark) “sparks” or (amber) “embers”.

Dies iræ, dies illa
solvet sæclum in favilla
teste David cum Sibylla

Quantus tremor est futurus
quando judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus !

_______________________________________________________________

~ KNOW NONSENSE (?) ENGLISH IMPOSITION ~

An angel is a divine messenger. I found a quartet of these characters
proving themselves to be high-minded yet stabling influences over a
holy household in Domenico Ghirlandaio‘s 15th Century painting :
“Adoration of the Magi”.

Adoration of the Magi by Domenico Ghirlandaio (1488)

I detailed the “detail” to enrôle their scroll…

Angelic Quartet DETAIL from Domenico Ghirlandaio's "Adoration of the Magi"

..and  relay the alternate English script of the mis-heard Dies Irae.

Sleepless Fever

Swept into outer space (and not under the carpet), our gliding guides,
humble before Hubble, are not star-struck by the sweating stealer left,
damp, doomed and damned, on the left. He is Paul Newman portraying
the thief Butch Cassidy in the 1969 cowboy crime caper film “Butch
Cassidy and the Sundance Kid“.

Although this source would suggest that a “Sleepless Fever” has been
brought about by a nauseating nervousness incited by the fear of being
forced to imminently em-belly a breadbasket full of Bolivian bullets…

…perhaps, amongst Paul Newman’s Sauces are some supremely spicy
varieties that might stimulate similar skin-soaking symptoms.

Oooo ! Indeedy-do… and with a tag-line :

~ A HEAVENLY SAUCE THAT’S STRAIGHT FROM HELL ~

that couldn’t be more pertinent, “Newman’s Own Hot and Spicy Sauce“
is available from online supermarket Ocado.

Solid Silver, Live for Fear

This “Solid Silver” is not sullied silver and the silver “service” (is that
cut-above-cutlery for the bestestest of butlery ?) can only be religious
if the primate is a primate.

Crystal diet holds him near

Literal (glitter-all) crystals litter all.

Christ Surrounded by Musician Angels by Hans Memling

Here’s Jesus with a (crystal/Christ-all) circlet, encircled by singers.
For hours of fun – try pairing (not paring) Hans‘ cloned choristers’ hands.

Haunt us ghost of Taurus

I paired them with Domenico Ghirlandaio‘s devout shouters (and the
shady apparition of a (<cow>-y but non <kow-tow>-y) constellation)…

Hearken holy chorus

…then each other. The black box (with a strip ripped from it by my
avi-encoder) is a volume-gauge, a decibel detector dial. In this
auditory capacity, perhaps it would be of use to Black Box.

Linked…:

…the Missing.

Knower's Arc will speak to

To the rear and the right we see an ornamental “Noah’s Ark“, carved
from precious metals, perhaps borne both from and to a Pot o’ Gold.

In common with the angels ahead of it, its rail is the the route of the rainbow.
This coloured curve is the “Knower‘s Arc“. The sign that the dreadful
deluge has desisted a marker to Man, from his Maker, of the Covenant
- God’s promise to the meek to not seek to destroy them again…
…er well, at least not until Revelation’s segregations.

Discuss all this

To turn a U.F.O. (Unidentified Flying Object) into an I.F.O. (Identified
Flying Object), I must state that the sable spinner is a “Discus” drawn
from “Discuss”…

Deepest Feeling

Wonky-legged in a (numbered) singlet and sporting sporty (spectrum-speckled)
(quite long) shorts is (multi-coloured) multi-Olympic-Gold-Medal-winning
Lithuanian athlete Virgilijus Alenka – as the thrower of the discussed discus.

Beside him (if not “beside himself”)  is Santa Claus – as the (wry ?) catcher of
the Noah’s Ark model from the previous screenshot.

Live for fear

This second set of “Solid Silver” cutlery includes a knife and fork with
skeletal handles. These boney blades are buddies with the bearded
Beelzebub behind and, together, represent the “haunters” in the next

haunters' dreadful, wrestful taunts

…picture in which we see a rather rocky gemstone “Crystal diet”
succeeded by a deadly-drumstick-driven “Krystle (Carrington) diet”.

No chicken, she uses food to fend off (hunger pangs AND) a fearsome fiend.

They've torn us

In a tumult, where Krystle Carrington did not chew malt, that <champ of
chomp> finds she can’t keep everything under her hat so Heaven, “the
heavens” and Linda Evans open…to reveal…

Cold heart's Queen will dismal scorn us

…not the Seven Seas and not the Seven Seals but a clime where seven seals
might climb <clubbing together> gleefully with squeals the (Ice (Cream))
Queen of Hearts (and hidden parts (that cards discard)) conceals while the
blood of the <shocked !> <shopped !>  barbarously-bludgeoned bubs congeals.

You might “pipe your eye” that they had to die but these…

Singers and Pipers Detail from Hans Memling's Last Judgment Triptych

…pipers from on high…(the flower (?) of The Tower ?)

Last Judgment Triptych by Hans Memling

…will not cry Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Last Judgment Pipers

as they melt what’s dealt.

The threat more or less will have taught us

This image shows what torture taught ya. School and education is
represented by a chalked-on blackboard showing the simple
symbols “>” (greater than) and “<” (less than) to (more or less)
express the “more or less” of the lyric. The two blue items are
thumbscrews.

Dizzy Desire

Celestial spiralling is enough to make anyone dizzy, but not everyone
has as much right to blow their own trumpet as Dizzy Gillespie.

The threatened al-aways will talk

With those thumbscrews out of sight (but not out of mind), it is sure that
“The threatened al-aways will talk” yet rarely may they be guaranteed to
“speak for themselves” as, too woeful to waffle, this momentarily mute,
glazed-eyed Ventriloquist’s Mannequin won’t (and wooden) dispute.

Not to save the least of the fawners

He is “struck dumb” only until jaw-droppingly, voice-throwingly, he succumbs,
un-numbs and becomes a “struck” Dummy ; giggle-less but garrulous.

All lost sentience to saunas

Fawner than the “fawner”, browner than the frowner, and <hot as Hades>,
this gospel lady’s tossing her triumph-trophy and singing a winning
“Allelujah” to Jehovah ‘n’ a grinning, pallid puppet – part Blur, part Zoë Ball.

Divinity-Depicting Detail from "The Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo

It’s rude to point.

…to a point.

It’s also rude to turn up with a bunch of petty potty putti people and then
not say who they are. Apart from God, I can only recognise Kate Moss.

The Grand Designer, the Greater Creator is supposed to be
fashioning  Adam, modelling him “in His own image”.

Detail from "The Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo (and God)

I’m really not sure he’s all he’s cracked up to be, and, frustratingly, he’s
the second person in this blog-post who looks EXACTLY like
“a girl I knew at school” (…it’s not the SAME girl) and who I
<completely can’t tell you about>
because YOU “won’t know her from Adam“.

Add : “Damn !”

Adam ; At a stretch, he's a bit of a layabout.

Arguably, not only limp-wristed, if we gain some perspective, we can (hardly)
see that this mellow fellow is a little less like that girl from school ; “little”
being the operative….and what’s all that phallic buckety asparagus stuff
getting and groped at the bottom (by a gripper not Agrippa) ?

Clearly it is not a clean-shaven (un-barbed), birthday-suited (un-garbed),
Adam Eden who is the most obvious (Earthy and) Earthly physical reflection
of the grizzled (and grizzly ?) God of Michelangelo‘s pink-frocked pointer.

Instead, bearing gifts, ruby-robed and in hirsute pursuit of Godly goodliness,
the man “Our Father” far more closely resembles is our “Father Christmas“.

Why else would Santa be cradling the Ark ???

God is "'nit"ing

The text “God is “‘nit”ing” refers not only to the sartorially fully-woolly
knotting of knitting well-spread threads but also to the un-homing
combing, the unespousing de-lousing of Nits.

As well as being a derogatory term applied to one perceived to be an
ingnoramous (one should never ignore Amos), a “Nit” is the egg or
nymph of a head-louse. Look carefully and you will see them there
(a pair) …among the fair hair.

Gorgeous nickers

God has one knitted “nit” still caught in his quiff, there is a violet egg on the
cloud beneath the banner by the angels’ knees whilst the leggiest of the trio
falls towards a moustachioed Robert Redford. In the guise of gun-slinger
Harry Longabaugh, he stands above the law, below the Lord and to the
right of his right hand man and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid“
co-star Paul Newman . Together these thieving heart-throbs may be
collectivised as : “Gorgeous nickers“. To “nick” is to “re-appropriate”.

God is "R.I.P."(p)ing

A Trinity of (w)(hol(e)y) (mean) meanings
in this “God is “R.I.P.”ping” screenshot.

1.
A DESCRIPTION OF THE DIVINITY
“God is ripping” = general high praise for God
expressed in hoighty-toighty 1920′s toff slang.

2.
A DESCRIPTION OF THE DIVINITY’S ACTIVITY
“God is ripping” = God is tearing, He is calling a
garment a “varmint“ (whether “Weasels Ripped My Flesh“
(or the “Word made flesh”) none or Nun of the (Lord) Above)

3.
A DESCRIPTION OF ANOTHER OF THE DIVINITY’S ACT(OF GOD)IVITIES
“God is “R.I.P.”ing” =God, the giveth-er and taketh-away-er-er of all things,
is fonder of grave than of graven images. Two tombstones are divined behind
(defined, refined, as Moses’ “Tablets” – bitter pills, sweet, sugar-coated)…

Gorgeous knickers

Ahh ! NOT “sugar-coated” but <pastel-panted> by these (late) bloomers,
harking, with their rainbow colours, back to the Ark and Alenka – plus -
who’s to say what “Gorgeous knickers” the “Gorgeous nickers“
tucked ‘twixt their chaps‘ chaps and slicker kickers‘ spats.

Send your Christmas orders

This is where I am “pushing the envelope” (if not the (much higher)
number of envelopes I would ideally have added as non-dismissive
missives) and my luck to suggest that this Mozartian Mondegreen
could contend to be a festive e-greeting.

As a 10MB Flash File, the narrow-band
>>>>>>>constraints<<<<<<<
of 2003 meant that I sent this to no one.

Take Note !

I think we’ve all had more than enough of these notes on notes.
The banner should ban ‘er, yer honour – be gone-er !

Dizzying Dizzy Dizzy-ing

The world whirled into a horn forlorn.

———————————————————————————————–

PRODUCTION PERIOD MAIN MEMORIES
“The Darkness” on Frank Skinner, “starry, starry nights”, Nestle’s Milky Bar.

MIGHT’VE MADE ITS
William Blake, Chalk, Clock Faces, Clothes Pegs,
Dunces’ Caps, Ear Trumpets and Karate

————————————————————————————————

The First “Film” Ever I Made in Macromedia Flash MX…

…can be viewed and heard, LARGER and CLEARER, in the 2003 original, here…er :

Flash (in’) the Pan-Indian Sub(in)continent

Flash(in') in the Pan-Indian Sub(in)continent Loopy Looping Original

However, that‘s on a loop (and a (good ?) Jekyll & Hyde-ing to nothing)
so you’ll probably want to vacate with vitesse….. or peep at the
(high quality, as of August 2009,) YouTube version with its handy
“Stop, Stop, Stop all the dancing” controls.

The calmer Kama Sutra song, this mildly cheeky nudity new
ditty, is too oblique to pretend it could contend to offend ;
unless Kermit will not permit poly-positional “performance”.

The words were animated in SWiSH before being imported into Flash.
Their font is sqwirly and the vocal squealy so here are the lyrics laid bare :

NARRATOR :

He says he’s got no future
He says he’s shot his bolt
He says the Kama Sutra
Was what first exposed his fault

He never was too supple
Some things aren’t meant to bend
And so if you’re keen to couple
Just be sure that you suspend

Unrealistic notions
Of elasticity
And twist your louche devotions
From their depravity
(Who needs gravity ?)

She likes it umop apisdn
But he won’t play wheelbarrows
Green-fingered silk dressing-gown
Would distract him from the throes

Coyly teasin’ him
Sometimes squeezin’ him
Always cheesin’ him
Off

WALDORF :

Hey Statler !

STATLER :

Yeah, what ?!

WALDORF :

Is that it ?

STATLER :

Yes, it’s over – how’d you like it ?

WALDORF :

Hhhhrrr, I don’t know, I slept through the whole thing.

STATLER :

Well, you didn’t miss much.

NARRATOR :

Here’s space for a cough…
[COUGH]

————————————————————

With a single-scene view permanently populated by a mainly muted cast of
(ooo – at least 11) probable outcasts : swiftly dominated by and distracted from
by over-laid (if under-paid) base-block block-based fizzily-twizzerly textual
trapeezery, some (summary) freeze frames are in order…
…in order to ID the (V.I.P.) passers-by.

Without my shouting “Red Carpet !”, at the appropriate moment, (er, and
@ YOU) you mightn’t acknowledge the <arrival> of the King …and exactly
WHICH (Kinky ?) (Crinkly ?) (King he is/was (in a Tiswas ?)  may influence
how  hoppily or happily you “Bow Down, Mister” to trill and thrill at his “II“
<coming>. Is it jeers or “Three Cheers !” for Piers and his peers ?

Pierre Patel's "Landscape with Ruins"...

Peopled by shepherds, temple worshippers and the washing (yet unwashed ?), this
static background is Pierre Patel’s “Landscape with Ruins” not to be confused with
Pierre Patel’s “Landscape with Ruins” (!) which may be a “rear view” (if not a RARE view)
of a lone (merely mire-ly) “mirror”ed locale. Both of these same-named pictures
share very similar compositional content – i.e. some decrepit classical architecture
plop-dropped into a bucolic bridge-breached bog. Such elements are evident also in
1656′s “Italianate Landscape” and 1697′s “A Classical Landscape”. The late date of the
final work draws attention to the <addition>al fact that Pierre Patel Snr. could (Go
forth and) <multiply> more than paintings. Pierre Patel is not to be  confused with
Pierre-Antoine Patel.

I wonder if he was confused BY him.

Perhaps, if so, his (supposed) son asked him to step aside…

...not to be confused with Pierre Patel's "Landscape with Ruins"

…but not to step IN anything left (timely-ly) behind the behinds of the (more than four)
four-footed wading and drinking critters. In the oval picture, the ovine have been
surpassed by the divine bovine, sacred cows as at home in the loam of the gungy
Ganges as roaming in the Roman gloamin’ whilst as <full of bull> as Europe’s Europa.

Let us cross (species) and continents to mix mythologies, meeting,

Can a beau with a bow be a "*STUPID* Cupid" ?

from left to right, all a-quiver if not all a-shiver (where we might seek
(if not Sikh) Shiva), the infecting infant Cupid, next – his mother :
Venus - not baulking at Bjork “as a Boy” but skillfully strumming  her
“lute” (for loot ?) as a keener (not keening) veena player, then a true
“hanger-on” : a performer of the Indian Rope Trick, a tabla-tapping
percussive primate,  a woman with a wheelbarrow and two
clever cleaver wielders - chipper chirpy chappies with their swish
(Swiss) cheesy ((non-)chomping ?) choppers out.

He says he's got no future

The first written line : “He says he’s got no future” is twisted and
illustrated by TWO plotted lines from a financial “Futures” graph. The
text  speaks of insecurity, the image represents what are known,
highly questionably, as <securities>.

Hmm. Listen, if you please, to the TEASE in (in)securities…

He says he's shot his bolt

Although the firing toddler may not agree that it is generally difficult to
“make out”,  it IS definitely hard to <make out> his narrow arrow as its
heart-crafted shaft heads for the dread (undead) head (un)dead ahead.

There are multiple meanings for “shot his bolt“.

VISUALLY

Cupid has shot his bolt by releasing a dart of desire.

Having successfully targetted and struck the metal that is
presumably as much of  a “pain in the neck” to Frankenstein’s
Monster as any vampire could be counted upon to be, Cupid
(or Cupid’s Arrow) has ALSO struck that glinting,
throat-lodged,  rod and therefore shot his bolt.

TEXTUALLY

The straight narrative :  “He says he’s got no future, He
says he’s shot his bolt,” details a character, in no specified
circumstance, giving in to despair, having given his all.

SEXUALLY

<Come, come> – obviously, in a carnal context, the gentleman related
is  incapable of being “fashionably late”. “She” (introduced in a later
stanza)  can’t <come too> when “He” can’t <come to> because “He”
came to swoon when “He” came too soon…”He” came, swore, when
he saw he was sore, and conked out.